Samantha: You thinking what I'm thinking?
Hennessey: I hope not, coz I'm thinking about how much my balls hurt.
Arnie Cunningham: Okay... show me.
Detective Fowler: If this woman's such a God-damned Saint, how did she end up raising four total fuck-ups?
Lt. Green: Miss Evelyn cycled hundreds of kids out of the foster program and into permanent homes. In 30 years she only came across four lost causes. Four delinquents so far gone she couldn't find anyone to take them in. So she did. Trust me, Fowler, these kids are congressmen compared to what they would've been.
Mark McPherson: I suspect nobody and everybody. I am strictly trying to get at the truth.
Louis Creed: My father used to have a saying, Jud. God sees the truth... But waits.
Father Brendan Flynn: I can fight you.
Sister Aloysius Beauvier: You will lose.
Holly March: Dad, there's like whores here and stuff.
Holland March: Sweetheart, how many times have I told you? Don't say "and stuff." Just say "dad, there are whores here."
Holly March: Well, there's like a ton.
Inspector Clouseau: Let me bring you up to speed... We know nothing. You are now up to speed.
Frances: Blind Dog and Lightning Boy? Who the hell are you guys supposed to be?
Eugene Martone: We're bluesmen.
Willie Brown: I'm the bluesman, he's from Long Island.
Carl: Forget it. It's a toy company.
Martin Bishop: Toy company my ass. That's laser fencing. There's high voltage around the perimeter. The whole building says go away.
Roy McBride: Can I have a blanket and pillow?
Flight Attendant: Certainly, that will be $125.
Cobb: We need the heir of a major corporation to dissolve his father's empire.
Eames: Well, you see, right there you have various political motivations and anti-monopolistic sentiment and so forth, but all that stuff is at the mercy of your subjects own prejudice. What you have to do is start at the absolute basic.
Cobb: Which is what?
Eames: The relationship with the father.
Grace: Stroke a man's dick, you get him for one night. Stroke a man's ego, you get him for life.
Joe Dirt: So, you're gonna tell me, that you don't have no black cats, no Roman candles, or screamin' mimis?
Kicking Wing: No.
Joe Dirt: Oh come on man. You don't got no lady fingers, buzz bottles, snicker bombs, church burners, finger blasters, gut busters, zip-a-dee-do-dahs, crap flappers?
Kicking Wing: No, I don't.
Joe Dirt: You're gonna stand there, owning a firework stand, and tell me you don't have no whistling bungholes, no spleen splitters, whisker biscuits, honker lighters, huskers dus, husker don'ts, cherry bombs, nipsy dazers, with or without the scooter stick, or one single whisking kitty chaser?
Leonard Shelby: I have to believe in a world outside my own mind. I have to believe that my actions still have meaning, even if I can't remember them. I have to believe that when my eyes are closed, the world's still there. Do I believe the world's still there? Is it still out there?. Yeah. We all need mirrors to remind ourselves who we are. I'm no different.
Cynthia Hawkins: Do you steal the dresses of all singers?
Jules: No, no.
Cynthia Hawkins: So, I'M the lucky one! I have a fan?
Jules: I heard you in Bordeaux. And last year I went to Munich specially for the concert.
Cynthia Hawkins: You made the trip for me?
Jules: Yes, on the moped.
Cynthia Hawkins: On the moped. So, you ARE a real fan.
Monroe: Eddie! What happened to your head?
Eddie: Customs guy, whacked me in the head with a can of peanut oil for stamping visas. I'm never goin back to that country, man. Those people have permanently wigged out.
