Billy: Eat shit and die, Ricky.
Ricky: Eat shit and live, Bill.
Arnie Cunningham: Okay... show me.
Mary: You really wanna know what Norman's like?
Warren Toomey: Yeah.
Mary: Better than you'll ever be, fat boy.
Frank Ridgeway: Can I help you guys?
Sal Amato: Yeah, tell Tony Eddie and the Cruisers are here.
Johnny Smith: "Bless me"? Do you know what God did for me? He threw an 18-wheeled truck at me and bounced me into nowhere for five years! When I woke up, my girl was gone, my job was gone, my legs are just about useless... Blessed me? God's been a real sport to me.
Diane: Slater is a dying breed. When she goes the whole species will be extinct.
Bruno: Tennis balls?
Countess Chandra: Darling?
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Yes, my darling?
Countess Chandra: You're smoking the wrong end.
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau: Yes... I knew that. You don't have to tell me I am smoking zhe wrong end. Do you know why I am smoking zhe wrong end?
Countess Chandra: No darling, but I'm sure you've got a very good reason.
Chief Insp. Jacques Clouseau: You're right! I am smoking on zhe wrong end, because I have a very good reason.
Charles Halloway: A father should be able to play baseball with his son.
Mrs. Halloway: Baseball's not necessary, not with a heart like yours, he'll forgive you that.