Don Lockwood: What's your lofty mission in life that lets you sneer at my humble profession?
Kathy Selden: I'm an actress.
Don Lockwood: What?
Kathy Selden: On the stage.
Don Lockwood: Oh, on the stage. Well, I'd like to see you act. What are you in right now? I could brush up on my English, or bring along an interpreter. That is if they'd let in a movie actor.
Kathy Selden: I'm not in a play right now, but I will be. I'm going to New York...
Don Lockwood: Oh, you're going to New York! And then someday, we'll all hear of you, won't we? Kathy Selden as Juliet, as Lady Macbeth, as King Lear! You'll have to wear a beard for that one, of course.
Santa: Haven't you heard of peace on Earth, and goodwill toward men?
Lock, Shock, Barrel: NO!
Mad Hatter: What's the matter my dear, don't you care for tea?
Alice: Why, yes. I'm very fond of tea.
March Hare: If you don't care for tea, you could at least make polite conversation.
Dorcas: What would you buy if you were bored?
Neville: Uh... a jar of calf's foot jelly.
Rizzo: What's wrong?
Gonzo: It just feels so weird.
Rizzo: You mean that Mr. Arrow's dead?
Gonzo: Yeah, that... And my pants are filled with starfish.
Rizzo: You and your hobbies.
Rafiki: It is time.
Flora: Now Sword of Truth, fly swift and sure, that evil die and good endure.
Ebenezer Scrooge: How shall I ever understand this world? There is nothing on which it is so hard as poverty, and yet, there is nothing it condemns with such severity as the pursuit of wealth.
Whitey: That's a technical foul.
Chris Wise: Oh no.
John: What?
Chris Wise: Justin Bieber is a zombie.
Mal: The strength of evil is good as none when stands before four hearts as one.
Jonah: Something touched me.
Madge Hardwick: My dear, when you're as old as I am, you take your men as you find them - if you can find them.
Black and White TV: A bargain in every buck! A buck in every pocket! A pocket in... um... every trouser! Ernie's Bargain Circus, where you ride the Ferris Wheel of Values for a better tomorrow.
Wilbur: Are you writers?
Charlotte's daughters: No, but we will be when we grow up.
Wilbur: Then write this in your webs, when you learn: This hallowed doorway was once the home of Charlotte. She was brilliant, beautiful, and loyal to the end. Her memory will be treasured forever.
Charlotte's daughters: Ooh, that would take us a lifetime.
Wilbur: A lifetime. That's what we have.
Claire Huddesen: You oughta feel proud that three sailors from the United States Navy got off the ship for one day, and what did they do? Were they thirsty for hard liquor? No. They were thirsty for culture. Were they running after girls? No. They came running to the museum to see your dinosaur. For months out at sea they were dreaming about your dinosaur.
Sylvester: Payback's a bitch, ain't it?
Zeke: I'll see you at Nationals.
Sylvester: Yes you will.
Mike Connor: Liz, I know I'm not destiny's dream man but.
Liz Imbrie: Mike, I think I'd better grab you. You're likely to get in trouble one of these days.