Larry McCoy: I'm getting too fat for this shit.
Daphne Wilder: God couldn't be everywhere so that is why he invented mothers.
Maggie: What? That was on a Hallmark card we gave you.
Phil: I've gotta drop the kids off at the pool.
Juliette: We have a pool?
Phil: Uh, no.
Barbara Baekeland: If you're tired of Paris, you're tired of everything.
Father: Like the poet said: "The only ship certain to come in has black sails."
Kale: So now you got the whole jock and bimbo population showing up? That will be fun. I just didn't think you'd conform so fast.
Dennis: I can lose weight, but you'll always be an asshole!
Hertz: Come on, Smith, come on, guns don't kill people - but they sure help.
Deputy Billy Kitka: You know, Beau's not so bad. Why'd you bother writing him up?
Sheriff Eben Oleson: He lives all alone out there on the south ridge. A little citation now and then lets him know he's a part of this town.
Erik Kernan Jr.: The Jermaine story I covered. It was a good fight.
Ralph Metz: Yeah, I buried it.
Erik Kernan Jr.: But why?
Ralph Metz: Something's gotta be buried.
Erik Kernan Jr.: That's what high school wrestling's for, right?
Amber: You don't get it, do you? I'm not into men.
Jonesy: Whoa... you're a lesbian? How hot is that?
Kate Breck: Is there a love in your life?
Hallam Foe: She's dead. Would you like to meet her?
Kate Breck: I like creepy guys.
Corrine Whitman: Why don't you ask your boss how badly he really does want to stick his neck out for a terrorist.
Alan Smith: Well, he might for due process. Maybe I should have a copy of the Constitution sent to your office.
April Epner: Your wife was seeing someone else?
Frank: Pretty much everyone else. I was too much for her.
April Epner: Your wife? I'm sure she didn't feel that way.
Frank: She told me.
April Epner: What did she say?
Frank: 'You're too much for me.'.
April Epner: Ugh.
Mr. Parks: "Most people go to their graves with their music inside them." - What was Mr. Holmes saying? Come on guys, it's not that hard. He's saying that most people die without discovering their own genius, without expressing the uniqueness that makes them special.
Pat: The Death Star would take out the Enterprise with one shot.
Jenny: The Enterprise has deflector shields.
Will Stanton: It's so... and ya know, and I'm like... this whole thing's just... arrr, you know.
Merriman Lyon: Is that it?