Phil: I've gotta drop the kids off at the pool.
Juliette: We have a pool?
Phil: Uh, no.
Dr. Godfrey: It's true! Vagina Dentata! Vagina Dentata! Vagina Dentata!
Prior: Someone want to tell me what the fuck he's talking about?
McKay: He thinks we're being stalked by dead Nazis.
Jordan: Ghosts?
McKay: I didn't get shot by some fucking spectral entity, here. These things are solid.
Hunt: But the one that killed Cotter vanished right in front of us.
McKay: So why don't they swoop down here like God's own wrath and take us out right here and now, then, eh?
Hunt: I don't know. Maybe God's not in on this miracle.
Kate Breck: Is there a love in your life?
Hallam Foe: She's dead. Would you like to meet her?
Kate Breck: I like creepy guys.
Daphne Wilder: God couldn't be everywhere so that is why he invented mothers.
Maggie: What? That was on a Hallmark card we gave you.
Jason: Say who you are, Eliot.
Eliot Stone: You just did. I'm Eliot.
Jason: Tell us more.
Eliot Stone: Eliot Stone, Harrisburg, PA. And I'm here with you fine people because... I don't know... I'd like to get home, too. It's on the way. I'm hoping you'll be so kind as to drop me off.
Nika Boronina: What colour underwear am I wearing?
Agent 47: You're not wearing any underwear.
Erik Kernan Jr.: The Jermaine story I covered. It was a good fight.
Ralph Metz: Yeah, I buried it.
Erik Kernan Jr.: But why?
Ralph Metz: Something's gotta be buried.
Erik Kernan Jr.: That's what high school wrestling's for, right?
Aiden: Creeks lead to rivers.
Minister Tormer: There's not enough.
Avner Less: Enough what?
Minister Tormer: Enough hard evidence that his lawyer can't chip away at in court, or get him extradited to Germany. There's no death penalty in Germany. Which is ironic.
Mackenzie Carpenter: Lenny couldn't find his ass with both hands.
Maddie McConnell: Are you here for my girl? Are you gonna kill my baby girl?
Katherine Winter: What? No.
Maddie McConnell: Why not?
Katherine Winter: I'm just trying to help her.
Maddie McConnell: She doesn't need help. Can't you see that?
Alex Fletcher: People wait their whole lives to see an ex when things are going really good. It never happens. You could make relationship history.
John Phillips: You're bigger than the last time I saw you. How old are you now?
Heidi Phillips: Dawn's 8. I'm 12 1/2.
John Phillips: Wow.
Dawn Phillips: How old are you?
John Phillips: 32. Bet that sounds pretty old to you, doesn't it?
Heidi Phillips: Do you have a job?
John Phillips: Why, are you hiring?
Ian Curtis: Existence. Well, what does it matter? I exist on the best terms I can. The past is now part of my future. The present is well out of hand.
April Epner: Your wife was seeing someone else?
Frank: Pretty much everyone else. I was too much for her.
April Epner: Your wife? I'm sure she didn't feel that way.
Frank: She told me.
April Epner: What did she say?
Frank: 'You're too much for me.'.
April Epner: Ugh.
Sandra: You should never ever wish anyone dead. What if it became true?
Jake Rodgers: I'm the Black Rambo.
Gina: ...Blambo?
Wilson: Misanthrope seeks misanthrope. Honestly, if you respond to this ad then you are probably not the kind of woman I'd go out with. I guess I'm lonely and it's new years and I'm willing to embarrass the hell out of myself with this ad. About me: My girlfriends over the years have been intelligent and beautiful, in the end they have all broken my heart, whatever that means. My friend says I have to have a foto, so here it is. Talk to you soon. Wilson.