Gust Avrakotos: You know, me and three other guys are killing Russians. Is it possible that I met the only elected official in town who can help me?
Professor Farnsworth: Time travel is impossible!
Fry: But Professor, you time traveled yourself. Remember? When we went back to Roswell?
Professor Farnsworth: That proves nothing! And furthermore, you'd think I could remember a thing like that! Plus, who are you anyway?
Edward Cole: Three things to remember when you get older: never pass up a bathroom, never waste a hard-on, and never trust a fart.
Thomas: I'll keep that in mind as I approach decrepitude.
Walter Lewis: You get that right and I'll feed you paedophiles, dealers, bullies, junkies, scum, cunts, dogs... the lot.
Wizard: Can't you see it? Wizard productions presents the number one heat wave: august rush.
August Rush: Yeah! Me! That's me.
Sylvester: Payback's a bitch, ain't it?
Zeke: I'll see you at Nationals.
Sylvester: Yes you will.
L. C. Cheever: You got it backwards kid. You play cards the way you should lead your life. And you lead your life the way you should play cards.
Hallam Foe: Look, you're very attractive but I'm politically very committed to the gay cause.
Prince Charming: You'll be fine just don't look up.
George: What are you drinking, Bruiser? Oh, is that a bottle of Cock Block?
Barbara Baekeland: If you're tired of Paris, you're tired of everything.
Jonesy: Okay, from now on, you'll be the uptight lesbian sister I never had. Deal?
Vince: Hey coach. Name is Vince. I'm just a bartender from Philly whose only dream is to play ball. It's all I got left after I lost my job teaching, and my wife left me. Like my alcoholic father used to say before he passed on, "A man can only take so much failure!" I'll give you everything I got. What do you say coach?
Lambeau "Coach" Fields: I say you can add "Did not make the football team" to your list of woes.
Abby: You killed Bin Laden?
Lt. Muldoon: I put two in his heart, one in his computer.
El Wray: So that was you.
Daphne Wilder: God couldn't be everywhere so that is why he invented mothers.
Maggie: What? That was on a Hallmark card we gave you.
Stan Minton: What the fuck just happened in there?
Mal: You lost, Stanley.
Stan Minton: I didn't lose. You're the lawyer. You lost.
Mal: I'm truly sorry.
Stan Minton: Damn it man, I'm rich! I wanted some of that O.J. Justice.
Lord Asriel: I wouldn't recommend the Tokay, gentlemen, it's corked.