Julie Taylor: Why don't we just play two-on-two?
Ryder: But you're.
Julie Taylor: A girl? So I can't play? But then I am black so maybe I can. Your only problem's gonna be deciding which one of your narrow-minded stereotypes is gonna kick your lily-white ass. Afraid you'll get beaten?
Christian Markelli: By a girl and a fag?
Old Monk: Lust awakens the desire to possess. And that awakens the intent to murder.
Michael Corvin: I want to stay with you.
Ada: I brought you this book... and this photo. I'm not smiling in it. I don't know how to do that... hold a smile.
Mrs. Gibbons: Brian, I think you'd better go check that barbecue.
Ellis 'Zee' Pettigrew: Those Africans are my people too. For all the years that we have been told to stand down and stand by, you doin' the right thing.
Lt. A.K. Waters: For our sins.
Ellis 'Zee' Pettigrew: Hooyah.
Lt. A.K. Waters: Hooyah.
Ben: Hanging with her for 10 days is gonna be no problem.
Tony: Right. That's only nine days longer than you've ever spent with any other chick, huh?
Tigger: Aww, I just love a hoppy ending.
Lou: So my boss, he was talking to me about how many sick days I've taken. And I was like, you know 'Don't go there, ' you know. But he kept on about wanting to see some kind of a doctor's note or something. And I said 'Look, I'm seriously serious. You don't want to go there. He kept talking and talking and being such a nag, and I just blacked out. I blacked out. And I woke up, and I was standing over him and I was screaming "I told you not to go there! I told you not to go there!"
Theodore Banner: You're my creative team, create a reason to get rid of her or I'll create a new creative team.
Freddy Bender: Objection, Your Honor! Strangling the witness.
Judge Marva Munson: I'm going to allow it.
Otis: Huntin' humans ain't nothin' but nothin'. They all run like scared little rabbits. Run, rabbit, run. Run, rabbit. Run, rabbit. Run rabbit. Run, rabbit, run! RUN, rabbit, RUN.
Ron Launius: What the fuck am I going to do with a microwave?
John Holmes: You can heat food with it.
Ron Launius: The only thing I want to heat up right now is some dope.
Jerry Lynch: You just don't have the requisite Celtic soul, man.
Tec: Grab Fatback! I got Milkdud.
PJ: I'm soft.
Mitch: Wow. Cheese. Is that you?
Dean Pritchard: Hello, Mitch. Bernard. I see you guys haven't changed much.
Beanie: Who's this guy?
Mitch: Beanie, you remember Cheese, Rodney's kid brother?
Dean Pritchard: Actually, my name's not Cheese anymore. It's Gordon Pritchard.
Beanie: Oh, yeah. Cheeeeeese. Yeah, didn't we lock you in a dumpster one time?
Dean Pritchard: Yea, I got out.
Beanie: Cool man. Good. Glad you did.
Mays: Yo, Lewis. Your mother's ass is so big, when she sits down she's three feet taller. Yo, Lewis. Your mother got a really big ass.
Advisor: Sir, I think it's time we prepare for a debate.
Senator Lewis: Give me one good reason to debate that jerk.
Advisor: He talked about your mother, sir.
Senator Lewis: So what?
[Senator Lewis' mother walks up to him and slaps him in the face.]
Mother: Are you just going to let him talk about me like that?
Marek: We're speaking the same language, but you don't understand a word I'm saying, do you?
Lady Claire: No.