Missy Elliott: You, you need to call M.C. Hammer and let him know you're stealing his stuff. Ya'll two crazy people in here.
Tess (in Anna's body): You pierced your navel?
Anna (in Tess' body): Yeah, I... meant to talk to you about that.
Tess (in Anna's body): When did you do this?
Anna (in Tess' body): At Maddie's cousin's sweet 16.
Tess (in Anna's body): Well, when you get your body back, it's grounded.
Stills Photographer: Are you drinking, no?
Bob: Am I drinking? As soon as I'm done.
Matt Lee Whitlock: Sometimes I think you want me to shoot you, Chae.
Bert: I'm gonna call it off.
Glen: I think you'd better.
Fritzi: Wait.
Bert: Fritzi, what in the hell are you doing here?
Fritzi: Well I... I knew you'd be discussing stopping the show and I just thought how disappointed all the kids would be after.
Bert: You scheming little bitch.
Fritzi: Oh please! I'm a child.
Bert: If you think for one.
Fritzi: Oh save the speech, rummy. She's fucked, I'm ready, and the goddamn show must go on. So let's get cracking, shall we?
Joanie Fisher: And she's English?
Colin Ware: Welsh. Well, half Welsh.
Joanie Fisher: Half Welsh and half.
Colin Ware: Monster.
Senior Ed Bloom: I've been nothin' but myself since the day I was born, and if you can't see that it's your failin', not mine.
Detective Malloy: Some women give terrible blowjobs. No rhythm at all. No sense of cock whatsoever.
Charles Townsend: Bosley, I hope the Angels aren't being too rough on you.
Bosley: Man, please. I date fat women. What you talkin' 'bout?
April Burns: I'm the first pancake.
Evette: What do you mean?
Eugene: She's the one you're supposed to throw out.
Lara: I'm laughing at the fact I used to find you charming.
Terry: I am charming.
The Big Man: Rapists and murders may be the victims according to you, but I, I call them dogs. And if they're lapping up their own vomit, the only way to stop them is with a lash.
Grace: But dogs only obey their own nature, so why shouldn't we forgive them?
The Big Man: Dogs can be taught many useful things, but not if we forgive them every time they obey their own nature.
Ernestine: People are just getting dumber, but more opinionated.
Samuel Jones: If I stay here very long, I might misbehave. Somebody might have to kill me.
Neal: When I'm not ready, you hunt me down. When I try and make it work, you're not interested.
Molly Gunn: You know, ever since we met, it's about what I'm doing wrong... but I'm not the one with the problem here, Neal. You are, you and your selfishness. All you do is take and - I've got nothing for you right now, so... maybe it's time to start thinking about someone other than yourself. 'Till then.
Sally Weston: Paris, First Class, International.
Chris: I'm not a total dead loss as a woman, I may not be able to knit or make plum jam but I can bake a bloody Victoria sponge... 'course I didn't bake this one, I got it at Marks and Spencer.
Andre Stander: I'm tried for robbing banks. But, I have killed unarmed people.
Judge: That is not the business of the court.
Thomas Garrett: Oh, women. Can't live with 'em. Can't live with 'em.