Jack Taylor: What's this I hear about you threatening to spray this play with an AK-47?
Tom Stansfield: Oh... well, I was just making a joke.
Jack Taylor: Oh that's funny to you? People dying? And what's this I hear about you making fun of midgets?
Tom Stansfield: I never make fun of midgets.
Jack Taylor: You said, it would be fun to date one because then you could rest your beer on their head, now I have a sense of humour, but that's just sick.
Alfred: He's a very committed environmentalist.
Steve: Spike Jonze is a tree hugger? Jesus, I never would've had him down as that.
Alfred: Well... I think he prefers the term "leaf people."
Joe Gavilan: Fuck you very much.
Blake Gardner: Thou movie, which art on screen, hallowed be they name. The time has come. Thou will be shown in theaters as well as home. Give us this day our daily film and forgive our bad choices, as we forgive those whose movies were so bad to choose. And lead us not into television, but deliver us from that evil, for movies are the picture and the sound, and the greatest thing in the whole wide world, forever and ever. Movies Rule.
The Devil: Hmm. You know what they say. In order for one to succeed, another must fail.
Amy Myer: So, what time will you be picking me up?
Peter Connor: Um, I don't know. Around 8?
Amy Myer: Okay, does that mean 7:45 or 8:15, 8:30...?
Peter Connor: Means around 8.
Amy Myer: Yeah, but, are you the kind of guy that says around 8 and then you show up at 10 or...?
Peter Connor: I'll be there - at 8.
Elle: I'm here to speak for those who can't speak for themselves.
Detective Park Doo-Man: Do you get up each morning too?
Evan: Okay, you guys go, and we'll just stay here, Francine and.
Scott: And get high.
Evan: Yeah... so?
Rémy: I wish that one day you will have a son like you.
Amanda: Am I late?
Jerry Falk: Not if we go by Rocky Mountain time.
Aunt Budge: I would kill for some diarrhea! I haven't had a bowel movement in 17 days.
Lorna Queen: Well... look at you Halley.
Halley: That's hard to do without a mirror isn't it?
Lorna Queen: Honey you keep getting prettier every day.
Halley: I have no idea how you could say that because you definitely don't see me every day. And yesterday, oh my God I was so ugly. And last Wednesday, that sucked too, so it's kind of a day to day thing.
Fait: You read Chinese?
Archie: No, but I know "cop" in every language.
Erasmus: You realise true love is very rare.
Lila: Are we talking "meet the parents" rare? Everyone gets along, rare?
Erasmus: Now that's a start. But true love, well, it's when two people love each other more than they love themselves.
Joyce Brabner: I'm a self-diagnosed anemic.