Darrell: Eva's sisters gave her a cross with Jesus on it for her birthday, the next day Jesus was gone.
Donny: Yo what are you doin?
Stuntman: Gettin' ready to race.
Donny: Without a lid? You not just drunk you crazy.
Stuntman: Just consider it a reminder, in case you glance at me.
Donny: A reminder of what?
Stuntman: That your lid's about to become mine.
Donny: Yea right.
Sarah Morton: Awards are like hemorrhoids. Sooner or later every asshole gets one.
Detective Malloy: Some women give terrible blowjobs. No rhythm at all. No sense of cock whatsoever.
Cassandra: Can you smell bluebells?
Rose: I can smell heaven.
April Burns: I'm the first pancake.
Evette: What do you mean?
Eugene: She's the one you're supposed to throw out.
Young Ed Bloom: Your last name is different. You married.
Jenny: I was 18, he was 28. Turns out it was a big difference.
The Big Man: Rapists and murders may be the victims according to you, but I, I call them dogs. And if they're lapping up their own vomit, the only way to stop them is with a lash.
Grace: But dogs only obey their own nature, so why shouldn't we forgive them?
The Big Man: Dogs can be taught many useful things, but not if we forgive them every time they obey their own nature.
Chris: I'm not a total dead loss as a woman, I may not be able to knit or make plum jam but I can bake a bloody Victoria sponge... 'course I didn't bake this one, I got it at Marks and Spencer.
Samuel Jones: If I stay here very long, I might misbehave. Somebody might have to kill me.
Gen. 'Stonewall' Jackson: In the Army of the Shenandoah, you were the First Brigade! In the Army of the Potomac you were the First Brigade! In the Second Corps of this Army, you are the First Brigade! You are the First Brigade in the affections of your general, and I hope by your future deeds and bearing you will be handed down the posterity as the First Brigade in this our Second War of Independence. God Speed.
Tigger: Aww, I just love a hoppy ending.
Ernestine: People are just getting dumber, but more opinionated.
Andre Stander: I'm tried for robbing banks. But, I have killed unarmed people.
Judge: That is not the business of the court.
Henry Dashwood: For me, it's just a stop on the campaign trail, and for Glynnis it's a chance to launch Clarissa on society.
Daphne Reynolds: Launch her? You make her sound like a ship.
Henry Dashwood: No, in Clarissa's case it's more like an intercontinental ballistic missile.
Mrs. Gibbons: Brian, I think you'd better go check that barbecue.
Ellis 'Zee' Pettigrew: Those Africans are my people too. For all the years that we have been told to stand down and stand by, you doin' the right thing.
Lt. A.K. Waters: For our sins.
Ellis 'Zee' Pettigrew: Hooyah.
Lt. A.K. Waters: Hooyah.
Ben: Hanging with her for 10 days is gonna be no problem.
Tony: Right. That's only nine days longer than you've ever spent with any other chick, huh?
Thomas Garrett: Oh, women. Can't live with 'em. Can't live with 'em.