Ernestine: People are just getting dumber, but more opinionated.
PJ: If you jacked it, how come you got a receipt?
B-Rad: I stole that too.
Bookstore Owner: And sometimes when you look into the abyss... the abyss looks back into you.
Donny: Yo what are you doin?
Stuntman: Gettin' ready to race.
Donny: Without a lid? You not just drunk you crazy.
Stuntman: Just consider it a reminder, in case you glance at me.
Donny: A reminder of what?
Stuntman: That your lid's about to become mine.
Donny: Yea right.
Lars Olfen: I had a garage band in Stockholm, which was a challenge in its own right, to keep an instrument tuned with that temperature swing. There's a block warmer for the Volvo in the garage but it's cold in there in the winter. So we played and I had a hit that you might have heard of. "Hur?r l?get, lilla gumman?" which means, "How's It Hanging, Grandma?" and it was big on the Swedish charts.
Gen. 'Stonewall' Jackson: In the Army of the Shenandoah, you were the First Brigade! In the Army of the Potomac you were the First Brigade! In the Second Corps of this Army, you are the First Brigade! You are the First Brigade in the affections of your general, and I hope by your future deeds and bearing you will be handed down the posterity as the First Brigade in this our Second War of Independence. God Speed.
Paul Rivers: We have lived on a fraud a long time.
Cassandra: Can you smell bluebells?
Rose: I can smell heaven.
Charlie Hinton: Hey, man, how did it go in there?
Max: ...I missed.
Charlie Hinton: He heh... what does that mean?
Max: I missed.
Charlie Hinton: Oh, hell, no.
Tess (in Anna's body): You pierced your navel?
Anna (in Tess' body): Yeah, I... meant to talk to you about that.
Tess (in Anna's body): When did you do this?
Anna (in Tess' body): At Maddie's cousin's sweet 16.
Tess (in Anna's body): Well, when you get your body back, it's grounded.
Mrs. Gibbons: Brian, I think you'd better go check that barbecue.
Chris: I'm not a total dead loss as a woman, I may not be able to knit or make plum jam but I can bake a bloody Victoria sponge... 'course I didn't bake this one, I got it at Marks and Spencer.
Senior Ed Bloom: I've been nothin' but myself since the day I was born, and if you can't see that it's your failin', not mine.
Lou: So my boss, he was talking to me about how many sick days I've taken. And I was like, you know 'Don't go there, ' you know. But he kept on about wanting to see some kind of a doctor's note or something. And I said 'Look, I'm seriously serious. You don't want to go there. He kept talking and talking and being such a nag, and I just blacked out. I blacked out. And I woke up, and I was standing over him and I was screaming "I told you not to go there! I told you not to go there!"
Jim: Where's that scary albino when you need him?
April Burns: I'm the first pancake.
Evette: What do you mean?
Eugene: She's the one you're supposed to throw out.
The Bishop: They came only to see, from the east and from the west, from the city and from the plain. They came not, in holy reverence to the lord, but in lust.
Walt: She's got mace.
Samuel Jones: If I stay here very long, I might misbehave. Somebody might have to kill me.