Det. Stanley Jacobellis: Larry, it's your mother.
Brian: She's like the ones at the Baywatch. They make my penis sneeze.
Larry Gigli: You got a good sense of humor, you know that?
Brian: God bless you.
Larry Gigli: Thank you.
Brian: No, not you, stupid. When my penis sneezes, I say, 'God bless you'... God bless you, penis.
Larry Gigli: Don't tell me what we're supposed to do.
Ricki: How about this? You leave him alone or I'll kill you.
Larry Gigli: You'll kill me? Fuck you, go ahead.
Ricki: I'll kill you.
Larry Gigli: You don't tell me what to do, okay? Don't tell me what we might do, don't tell me what we're supposed to do, don't tell me what we maybe should do, don't ever tell me nothing.
Ricki: I'll tell you this. You leave him alone or I'll kill you.
Mother: Remember you two, keep an open mind because you never know.
Ricki: It's turkey time.
Larry Gigli: Huh?
Ricki: Gobble, gobble.
Det. Stanley Jacobellis: Larry, I have a chicken.
Starkman: So now, things are bad.
Det. Stanley Jacobellis: Man, you know what I'd love to do, right now? Go down to Marie Callender's, get me a big bowl, pie, some ice cream on it, mmm-hmm good! Put some on your head! Your tongue would slap your brains out trying to get to it! interested? sure?
Larry Gigli: My name is pronounced 'Gee-Lee'. It rhymes with 'Really'.
Det. Stanley Jacobellis: I know. You don't know nothin'. I can tell, just by lookin' at you.
Ricki: She thinks I'm beautiful.
Larry Gigli: Yeah, well, she's blind in one eye.
