Roy: Fourteen! You're fourteen! When'd you have time to get arrested?
Professor Harold Hill: You pile up enough tomorrows, and you'll find you've collected a lot of empty yesterdays.
Elle: Paulette, I taught Bruiser to shop online, I think I can handle congress.
Mrs. Connelly: Tell me about yourselves. What do you do Alan?
Alex Rose: Uh, it's Alex.
Nancy Kendricks: Alex is a writer.
Mrs. Connelly: Oh, a writer. I always thought of that as more of a hobby than a real job. I suppose I'm forgetting about Joyce.
Alex Rose: Joyce. James Joyce. Of course. Wonderful writer.
Mrs. Connelly: He died drunk and penniless.
Harley: I'm a corpse burrito, dude.
Lorna Queen: Well... look at you Halley.
Halley: That's hard to do without a mirror isn't it?
Lorna Queen: Honey you keep getting prettier every day.
Halley: I have no idea how you could say that because you definitely don't see me every day. And yesterday, oh my God I was so ugly. And last Wednesday, that sucked too, so it's kind of a day to day thing.
Bootsie Carp: You've never fooled me! You're nothing but trash washed over the Canadian border.
Cody Banks: What was my mission again?
Natalie Connors: I think you were going to kiss me.
Harrison: I'll fuckin' finish you off faster than a fuckin' birthday cake at a fat chick's fuckin' birthday party.
Spike: I am Spike. Full name: Down, Spike, down! Get off that couch.
Dickie Roberts: This is Nuckin' Futs.
The Devil: Hmm. You know what they say. In order for one to succeed, another must fail.
Elizabeth: Even the worst people can be nice to their friends, Jane.
Jerry Falk: Okay, all right, I want out of this relationship.
Amanda: Jerry, Jerry don't say that. Don't say that, you know I need you.
Jerry Falk: Need me? How can you need me when all of these positive feelings happen with everybody but me?
Twitty: Okay, I'll tell you guys again: I've never met the Stevens family, okay? My name is Lawrence Honeytoast, I'm a marine biologist, and I'm here on top-secret government business.
Carol: Have you ever been involved with a little person sexually?
Steven Bedalia: No, just kid's stuff, you know? Y'know, all the kids would come over, we'd sit in a circle, play doctor and that kind of thing. Couldn't have been more than ten or twelve, so that doesn't really count.
Carol: So you had a circle jerk with a bunch of little people? I would have loved to see that.
Steven Bedalia: You would like to see that.
Carol: Yes, I would.
Kate Houghton: I need you to eject this duck.
DJ Drake: Lady, this is Daffy Duck.
Kate Houghton: Not any more, we own the name.
Daffy Duck: Oh, yeah? Well, you can't stop me from calling myself D- D- Well, whaddya know.
Rémy: I wish that one day you will have a son like you.