Iggy: Cigarettes and coffee, man, that's a combination.
Adam Shipley: He was wracked with confusion. For the first time in his life, he understood the true meaning of the expressions "horns of a dilemma" and "between a rock and a hard place" - although the concept of "paying through the nose" had always tormented him. How does the money get in the nose in the first place? Once in, is it pulled out by hand, or is a sneeze involved? And who would accept such a transaction? Burning questions all, but he had bigger fish to fry.
Howard Phillips: God damn you.
Herbert West: Religion has nothing to do with this.
Van Family Son: I don't wanna die.
K.C.: You're not gonna die okay?
Lorna Queen: Well... look at you Halley.
Halley: That's hard to do without a mirror isn't it?
Lorna Queen: Honey you keep getting prettier every day.
Halley: I have no idea how you could say that because you definitely don't see me every day. And yesterday, oh my God I was so ugly. And last Wednesday, that sucked too, so it's kind of a day to day thing.
Professor Harold Hill: You pile up enough tomorrows, and you'll find you've collected a lot of empty yesterdays.
Spike: Hey, chimp boy. Will you stop worrying? I know all about cats with a capital "K." Sit on a window sill, hack up a fur ball... Oh! That is very ferocious.
Eliza: Spike, this isn't your regular housecat.
Spike: They all twitch their whiskers one whisker at a time, just like you and me.
Alexa: I tried my hardest to keep y'all apart, you just kept gettin' back together... and I'm the queen of connivin'.
Desi Arnaz: I work hard, I play hard, I drink hard and I love hard.
Angela: You don't have a TV? seriously you don't have a TV?
Roy: Well there's a couch, if you want to sit. Or over there if you prefer. Or the couch.
Evelyn: I think everyone should see themselves doing it and their friends should see it too.
David Dobel: The pill makes her crazy? Falk, she is crazy. The Pentagon should use her hormones for chemical warfare.
Amy Myer: We could stage a fight or something. That way they won't be shocked when they find out we didn't last.
Peter Connor: Who says we won't.
Blake Gardner: Thou movie, which art on screen, hallowed be they name. The time has come. Thou will be shown in theaters as well as home. Give us this day our daily film and forgive our bad choices, as we forgive those whose movies were so bad to choose. And lead us not into television, but deliver us from that evil, for movies are the picture and the sound, and the greatest thing in the whole wide world, forever and ever. Movies Rule.
Harvey Pekar: Man, listen, I'll tell you something, people are starting to know the name Crumb. And when you croak, man, you're gonna leave something behind.
Robert Crumb: Yeah, I guess. Ha-ha. It's not like I'm Blind Lemon Jefferson or Big Mama Thornton.
Harvey Pekar: Oh, come on, man. I'll tell you something, it sure beats working a gig like mine, being a nobody flunky and selling records on the side for a buck.
Robert Crumb: Well, that's true.
Brian: She's like the ones at the Baywatch. They make my penis sneeze.
Larry Gigli: You got a good sense of humor, you know that?
Brian: God bless you.
Larry Gigli: Thank you.
Brian: No, not you, stupid. When my penis sneezes, I say, 'God bless you'... God bless you, penis.
Store Clerk: Enough! You're it! And no touch backs, no do overs, no erasies, and this whole store is home free!
Harry: Lloyd, can he do that?
Lloyd: Oh yeah Harry. He can. He did. And now...it's on like Donkey Kong. Pay the man.
Harry: Pay the man.
Joan Brandwyn: You gave me a C.
Katherine Watson: I'm kind.
Joan Brandwyn: The assignment was to write about Bruegel. That's what I did.
Katherine Watson: No, what you did was copy Strauss.
Joan Brandwyn: I was referencing an expert.
Katherine Watson: If I wanted to know what he thought, I'd buy his book.