Charlotte: Why do they switch the r's and the l's here?
Bob: Uh... for yuks. You know? Just to mix it up.
Bob: They have to amuse themselves, 'cause we're not making them laugh.
Mitch: Wow. Cheese. Is that you?
Dean Pritchard: Hello, Mitch. Bernard. I see you guys haven't changed much.
Beanie: Who's this guy?
Mitch: Beanie, you remember Cheese, Rodney's kid brother?
Dean Pritchard: Actually, my name's not Cheese anymore. It's Gordon Pritchard.
Beanie: Oh, yeah. Cheeeeeese. Yeah, didn't we lock you in a dumpster one time?
Dean Pritchard: Yea, I got out.
Beanie: Cool man. Good. Glad you did.
Freddy Bender: Objection, Your Honor! Strangling the witness.
Judge Marva Munson: I'm going to allow it.
Henry Dashwood: For me, it's just a stop on the campaign trail, and for Glynnis it's a chance to launch Clarissa on society.
Daphne Reynolds: Launch her? You make her sound like a ship.
Henry Dashwood: No, in Clarissa's case it's more like an intercontinental ballistic missile.
Sally Weston: Paris, First Class, International.
Joanie Fisher: And she's English?
Colin Ware: Welsh. Well, half Welsh.
Joanie Fisher: Half Welsh and half.
Colin Ware: Monster.
Charlie Hinton: Hey, man, how did it go in there?
Max: ...I missed.
Charlie Hinton: He heh... what does that mean?
Max: I missed.
Charlie Hinton: Oh, hell, no.
Mays: Yo, Lewis. Your mother's ass is so big, when she sits down she's three feet taller. Yo, Lewis. Your mother got a really big ass.
Advisor: Sir, I think it's time we prepare for a debate.
Senator Lewis: Give me one good reason to debate that jerk.
Advisor: He talked about your mother, sir.
Senator Lewis: So what?
[Senator Lewis' mother walks up to him and slaps him in the face.]
Mother: Are you just going to let him talk about me like that?
Darrell: Eva's sisters gave her a cross with Jesus on it for her birthday, the next day Jesus was gone.
Ben: Hanging with her for 10 days is gonna be no problem.
Tony: Right. That's only nine days longer than you've ever spent with any other chick, huh?
April Burns: I'm the first pancake.
Evette: What do you mean?
Eugene: She's the one you're supposed to throw out.
Theodore Banner: You're my creative team, create a reason to get rid of her or I'll create a new creative team.
PJ: If you jacked it, how come you got a receipt?
B-Rad: I stole that too.
Leon: They called themselves H2OKlik, don't ask me why.
Store Clerk: Enough! You're it! And no touch backs, no do overs, no erasies, and this whole store is home free!
Harry: Lloyd, can he do that?
Lloyd: Oh yeah Harry. He can. He did. And now...it's on like Donkey Kong. Pay the man.
Harry: Pay the man.
Mrs. Carver: So, what are your plans for after the wedding?
Mordechai Jefferson Carver: Kill you.
Roxy: You shouldn't accept expensive gifts from a man.
Isabel: Why?
Roxy: Because it puts you in a position of having to do what he wants.
Isabel: I'd do it anyway.
Emma Dinsmore: I can't figure out what's worse, having to know every single detail of your desperate love for some other woman, or having to know that you obviously didn't even come close to feeling the same way about me.