Just Married (2003)

Tom: The first sex I had on my honeymoon, was with a man named Santino.

Tom: Okay, whatever. Listen, you get guests here from all over the world, it's up to you to have some American on your signs.
Sarah: He means English.

Sarah: Tom, have you ever not told me something cause you were afraid of how I would react? Like have you ever not told me the truth about anything?
Tom: Like when I told you I liked your brother?
Sarah: This is serious Tom.
Tom: I am serious, I really don't like him.

Sarah: Is that a Thunderstick A-200o.
Tom: When did you become an expert?
Sarah: I told you about that night in college.
Tom: But you never told me about the hardware.
Sarah: Getting a visual.
Tom: We gotta charge this thing.
Sarah: That plug won't fit in European outlet.
Tom: I'll make it fit.
Sarah: Don't force it.

Tom: So, everyone thinks we're crazy for doing this, huh?
Sarah: Since when do we care what people think.

Tom: I just hope that... I can be... all that I can... be... in this... family.

Mr. Leezak: You never see the hard days in a photo album, but those are the ones that get you from one happy snap shot to the next.

Tom: Hey, we're in this together.
Sarah: Do you have four guys staring at your boobies right now? No.

Tom: I need to know everything... where, when, how small his weiner is.

Tom: Those birds are psychotic.

Wendy: That was the longest fricking piss in Italian history.