Glenn: You're not going anywhere.
Elvis: But I'm hungry.
Glenn: Eat your hat.
Monroe: Eddie! What happened to your head?
Eddie: Customs guy, whacked me in the head with a can of peanut oil for stamping visas. I'm never goin back to that country, man. Those people have permanently wigged out.
Telly: When you're young, not much matters. When you find something that you care about, then that's all you got. When you go to sleep at night you dream of pussy. When you wake up it's the same thing. It's there in your face. You can't escape it. Sometimes when you're young the only place to go is inside. That's just it - fucking is what I love. Take that away from me and I really got nothing.
Bernadine Harris: The worst thing is that he made me move out here where my children are in school with only one other black kid so they won't be improperly influenced. Well, guess what John, YOU'RE the motherfuckin' improper influence! Get your shit! Get your shit! And, get out.
Chili Palmer: Harry, look at me. You're trying to tell me you fucked up without sounding stupid, and that's hard to do.
Jim: And in the next life, father, I'M gonna have the paddle.
Kabral: The black guy always dies. Think about it, man. Unforgiven. Alien. Rocky IV. The Shining.
Roy: Star Trek II. Forrest Gump. Witness.
Bud: Annie Hall. Not Annie Hall.
Roy: No, Night of the Living Dead.
Bud: That's the one!
Kabral: And what about that brother in Jurassic Park, man?
Bud: There were two black guys who died in that one. That was a twofer. You must be really pissed off at that one.
Cage: While you're at it, why don't you call my agent?
Blade: Do I look like your secretary?
Puppet Master: We have been subordinate to our limitations until now. The time has come to cast aside these bonds and to elevate our consciousness to a higher plane. It is time to become a part of all things.
Grace: Emma Rae, I have a cookbook to put out, and a daughter to raise, and the God damn winter Grand Prix. And I just don't have time for the nervous breakdown I deserve, so please, don't ask me to stop and think.
Bobby Brady: Excuse me Mr Dittmeyer, but the height of your hedge is blocking your view of oncoming traffic and as a junior safety inspector I felt it was my duty to point out this hazard to you.
Larry Dittmeyer: Well you see, Billy...
Bobby Brady: Bobby.
Larry Dittmeyer: Like it matters. I grew my hedge tall for a reason... So I wouldn't have to see your family. Thank you for your concern.
He Zhiwu: They say that love can change a man. I start to find myself looking better and more charming, and suddenly I discover that I'm turning blonde.
Pecos Bill: I ought to plug you two right now, but I make it a rule never to kill a man on Sunday.
Zeb: Today's Wednesday.
Jack: God, we're pathetic, aren't we?
Angela: Excuse me?
Jack: Well, we're here. We're sitting on the most perfect beach in the world, and all we can think about is-.
Angela: "Where I can hook up my modem?"
Jack: Yeah, exactly.
President Andrew Shepherd: You have concerns?
Sydney Ellen Wade: Yes. Not many. A few. One. I have one concern.
President Andrew Shepherd: This wouldn't have to do with the fact that one of us is president?
Ron Timmerman: I wash my balls religiously. I like 'em so clean you can just feel every dimple.
Kevin Franklin: Thank you for sharing that.
Ron: The cleaner the ball, the better the play. Especially when you pull out that wood. The quicker you get it into the hole with the least amount of strokes, the better, right?
Kevin: Are you trying to tell me something?
Ron: Let me wash your balls.
Baby Sinister: The fact of the matter is by the year 2000 every city will be black. Thanks to the fax, the modem, conference call, federal-fking express, the beast will be able to conduct his business from his home in the white suburb leaving the city a great wide warzone full of nuclear brothers.
Rooster: That's what I'm saying man, the fax, modem, FTD.
Baby Sinister: What the fk you talking about, FTD?
Rooster: You got to have flowers in the warzone, Baby.
Hallmark: Have you had any contact with the aggressors?
Darren McCord: I killed two. Is that contact?
Casey Ryback: You think this is being shot? This ain't being shot.