Sara Crewe: One knock means, "I'm here." Two knocks means, "All is well." Three knocks means, "The coast is clear - the demon Minchinweed is asleep."
Band Manager: The fuckin' monkeys?
Art Dodge: For me there is only Rimbaud.
Liz Kerner: Rimbaud? Why?
Betty Kerner: Well, it's obvious. He's the original. I mean, Seagal and Van Damme are just cheap imitations.
Calvin Fuller: Look, Your Majesty, I don't want to insult you or anything, but are you nuts? This isn't the castle. This is the real, in-your-face, carjacking, drive-by-shooting, kill-you-for-your-Reeboks street life.
Dr. Frankenollie: Dr. Frankenollie at your service. You're here for the job, hmm?
Mickey Mouse: Yeah. I mean, no! No.
Dr. Frankenollie: Oh, don't be shy. It's not just a job. It's an adventure.
Mickey Mouse: I hate adventures.
Dr. Frankenollie: Perfect! You're hired.
Chad: What did you call me?
Nick: You heard me. I called you a "Hostess Twinkie motherfucker," motherfucker.
Bernadette 'Benny' Hogan: I don't know why you let me go to University. It's like taking me to the top of the mountain and showing me the world, and then marching me back down, and saying, "That's what you can't have Benny, you silly great fat article. Here's what you can have: Knockglen for the rest of your life and married to Sean bloody Walsh!" I'd rather be married to a bloody lizard.
Danny: MY cushion.
Callie: For the love of God.
Darkly Noon: Precisely.
Rumbo: Hey. Hey! What's going on?
Young Fluke: I guess I was dreaming.
Rumbo: You were what?
Young Fluke: Uh, dreaming. I was seeing pictures inside my head.
Rumbo: Pictures ain't got no business being inside your head. Next time you just growl and chase 'em away.
Young Fluke: Rumbo, have you always been a dog?
Rumbo: What you talkin' about? What else could I have been?
Young Fluke: I don't know. A human.
Rumbo: A two-legger? Me?
Joe: So listen to this. I'm coming out of the bathroom, right, and these two Orientals, they're arguin', they're hollerin', they're screaming at one another. And all in Japanese. So I told 'em, I said "Ay! You're in America now, speak Spanish."
Bess Truman: I think like Harry - if you want a friend in Washington, get a dog.
Jesse: Well, I was driving around with this buddy of mine, he was a big atheist, and we came to a stop, next to this homeless guy. And my buddy takes out a 100 dollar bill, and leans out the window, and he says, "Do you believe in God?" And the guy looks at my friend, and he looks at the money, he says, uh, "Yes, I do." My friend says, "Wrong answer", and we drove away.
Hoover: How come you got a hot dog in your mouth while you're threading the projector? Why do you eat while you're working? Why do you eat all the time?
Coolidge: It's all psychological, Max. I eat so I don't think about food.
Hoover: Oh... So you eat so you don't think about food.
Coolidge: Yeah.
Hoover: I don't want to butt into your business, but this psychiatrist, the guy you're going to, I think he's in worse shape than you are.
Gilbert Sipes: Go play your banjo, Goober.