Lieutenant Max Hoover: See, that's federal property. This isn't. This is L.A. This is my town. Out here you're a trespasser. Out here I can pick you up, burn your house, fuck your wife, and kill your dog. And the only thing that'll protect you is if I can't find you. And I already found you.
Dr. Sarah Taylor: You just don't give up, do you?
Cliff Raddison: I'm Sisyphus with a hard-on.
Dr. Frankenollie: Dr. Frankenollie at your service. You're here for the job, hmm?
Mickey Mouse: Yeah. I mean, no! No.
Dr. Frankenollie: Oh, don't be shy. It's not just a job. It's an adventure.
Mickey Mouse: I hate adventures.
Dr. Frankenollie: Perfect! You're hired.
Chad: What did you call me?
Nick: You heard me. I called you a "Hostess Twinkie motherfucker," motherfucker.
Lucille: I'm not shooting for a "successful" relationship at this point, I'm just looking for something that will prevent me from throwing myself in front of a bus. I'm keeping my expectations very very low.
Det. Rocco Klein: Errol. I thought you were dead.
Errol Barnes: I was. I came back.
Joe: So listen to this. I'm coming out of the bathroom, right, and these two Orientals, they're arguin', they're hollerin', they're screaming at one another. And all in Japanese. So I told 'em, I said "Ay! You're in America now, speak Spanish."
Lieutenant Meyerson: Max, you obviously got me confused with someone who gives a rat's ass.
Richard III: A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse.
Calvin Fuller: Look, Your Majesty, I don't want to insult you or anything, but are you nuts? This isn't the castle. This is the real, in-your-face, carjacking, drive-by-shooting, kill-you-for-your-Reeboks street life.
Niko: The first thing God created was the journey, then came doubt, and nostalgia.
King Arthur: There's a peace only to be found on the other side of war. If that war should come I will fight it.
Callie: For the love of God.
Darkly Noon: Precisely.
Jack Foley: You really know who you are, don't you?
Bernadette 'Benny' Hogan: Well, yes, of course I do.
David: We elect the officers and everything. It's socialism in action - not like the army back home.
Angela: How can I stop talking about something that's so huge?
Bess Truman: I think like Harry - if you want a friend in Washington, get a dog.