Marcus Burnett: Oh, man, that was cold.
Detective Sanchez: Yeah, so was your mama's bed.
Pocahontas: It would've been better if we'd never met. None of this would have happened.
John Smith: Pocahontas, look at me. I would rather die tomorrow than live a hundred years without knowing you.
Pecos Bill: I ought to plug you two right now, but I make it a rule never to kill a man on Sunday.
Zeb: Today's Wednesday.
Hal Griffith: How'd they get you to stay?
Louanne: They gave me candy and called me their light.
Hal Griffith: That'll do it.
Bernadine Harris: The worst thing is that he made me move out here where my children are in school with only one other black kid so they won't be improperly influenced. Well, guess what John, YOU'RE the motherfuckin' improper influence! Get your shit! Get your shit! And, get out.
Chili Palmer: Harry, look at me. You're trying to tell me you fucked up without sounding stupid, and that's hard to do.
Dr. Alan Champion: Will you be handling the outpatient care, nurse?
Angela: Well, do you mind?
Dr. Alan Champion: Visions of sponge baths dance in my head.
Grace: Emma Rae, I have a cookbook to put out, and a daughter to raise, and the God damn winter Grand Prix. And I just don't have time for the nervous breakdown I deserve, so please, don't ask me to stop and think.
Cage: While you're at it, why don't you call my agent?
Blade: Do I look like your secretary?
Hallmark: Have you had any contact with the aggressors?
Darren McCord: I killed two. Is that contact?
He Zhiwu: They say that love can change a man. I start to find myself looking better and more charming, and suddenly I discover that I'm turning blonde.
Kabral: The black guy always dies. Think about it, man. Unforgiven. Alien. Rocky IV. The Shining.
Roy: Star Trek II. Forrest Gump. Witness.
Bud: Annie Hall. Not Annie Hall.
Roy: No, Night of the Living Dead.
Bud: That's the one!
Kabral: And what about that brother in Jurassic Park, man?
Bud: There were two black guys who died in that one. That was a twofer. You must be really pissed off at that one.
Diane Barrows: It was there, I know it, that can't-eat, can't-sleep, reach-for-the-stars, over - the-fence, World Series kind of stuff.
High School Principal: Mr. Madison, what you've just said, is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response, were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Billy Madison: OK, a simple "wrong" would have done just fine.
Linda Ash: You didn't want a blowjob so the least I could do is get you a tie.
Callie: For the love of God.
Darkly Noon: Precisely.
Edgar Alabaster: I don't like your attitude, sir. I've never liked it. I believe that you sneer in your heart.