Grace: Emma Rae, I have a cookbook to put out, and a daughter to raise, and the God damn winter Grand Prix. And I just don't have time for the nervous breakdown I deserve, so please, don't ask me to stop and think.
Clyde Percy: How can you stand next to him?
Sister Helen Prejean: Mr. Percy, I'm just trying to follow the example of Jesus, who said that a person is not as bad as his worst deed.
Clyde Percy: This is not a person. This is an animal.
Capt. T.C. Doyle: You slept with the wife of General "Kill-'em-all-and-let-God-sort-them-out" Richardson?
David Poole: I thought it was his daughter.
Capt. T.C. Doyle: Oh yeah, he would've been fine with that.
Henri Young: I got nothin'. I got nobody. I don't need a lawyer, I need a friend.
Spider: If you're not expected then you're not invited - SO fuck OFF.
Baby Sinister: The fact of the matter is by the year 2000 every city will be black. Thanks to the fax, the modem, conference call, federal-fking express, the beast will be able to conduct his business from his home in the white suburb leaving the city a great wide warzone full of nuclear brothers.
Rooster: That's what I'm saying man, the fax, modem, FTD.
Baby Sinister: What the fk you talking about, FTD?
Rooster: You got to have flowers in the warzone, Baby.
Jim: And in the next life, father, I'M gonna have the paddle.
Puppet Master: We have been subordinate to our limitations until now. The time has come to cast aside these bonds and to elevate our consciousness to a higher plane. It is time to become a part of all things.
Reverend George: They have the look of man... but not the nature of mankind.
Elaine: I do the best I can, honey. I know it's not enough, and I'm sorry. But that's what you get in life, you know? You get whoever you end up with. Whoever is willing to stick by you, and fight for you, when everyone else is gone. And it ain't always who you expect. But you just have to make do.
John Reilly: I didn't kill her, I fucked her, Okay?
Ralphie: You think you're hot shit, but you're really just cold diarrhea.
Calamity Jane: A man that cgeats at cards ain't got no religion.
Arthur Rimbaud: The only unbearable thing is that nothing is unbearable.
Marko: We're all crazy, Natalija. We just haven't been diagnosed yet.
Marie Stahlbaum: Gosh, this is the most wonderful Christmas ever!
Fritz Stahlbaum: Look at all these presents! I didn’t think we were good enough this year to get all this!
Marie Stahlbaum: Well… you weren’t. But I make up for it.
Fritz Stahlbaum: Ha ha, Marie. Watch it or I’ll have my soldiers attack.
[Fritz fires a toy cannon.]
Marie Stahlbaum: Uh! I am just tooooo scared for words.
Pecos Bill: I ought to plug you two right now, but I make it a rule never to kill a man on Sunday.
Zeb: Today's Wednesday.