Casey Ryback: You think this is being shot? This ain't being shot.
Angus Bethune: You just don't know how it feels.
Troy: I don't know how it feels? So you think you're the only person on earth who wakes up every morning wishing they were someone else?
Dr. Kosevich: I've got it! Nurse, call the Anesthesiologist, this woman needs an enema.
Samuel, Rebecca, Nurse: An enema?
Dr. Kosevich: No, uh, she needs a pedicure.
Nurse: This ain't no goddam beauty parlor.
Dr. Kosevich: Epitath.
Samuel Faulkner: She's not dead, you moron.
Dr. Kosevich: Epidermus... Uh.
Rebecca Taylor: Epidural, asshole.
Capt. T.C. Doyle: You slept with the wife of General "Kill-'em-all-and-let-God-sort-them-out" Richardson?
David Poole: I thought it was his daughter.
Capt. T.C. Doyle: Oh yeah, he would've been fine with that.
Roach: You know this "Hell on Earth" business? Big fucking deal - I've got hemmorhoids.
Jim: And in the next life, father, I'M gonna have the paddle.
Hester Prynne: I wonder if existance as a woman is worthwhile at all.
Rico: Why did you judge me? Why did you judge me?
Judge Dredd: You killed innocent people.
Rico: A means to an end.
Judge Dredd: You started a massacre.
Rico: I caused a revolution.
Judge Dredd: You betrayed THE LAW.
Rico: Lawwwww.
Puppet Master: We have been subordinate to our limitations until now. The time has come to cast aside these bonds and to elevate our consciousness to a higher plane. It is time to become a part of all things.
Margaret: Oh, please don't say anything important.
Ralphie: You think you're hot shit, but you're really just cold diarrhea.
Marie Stahlbaum: I had to, mother. Nutcracker was in danger.
Mrs. Sthalbaum: The only one who was in danger was you. How could you have been so carless as to bump your head? We’ve all been very worried about you.
Fritz Stahlbaum: Not me! Marie’s head is so hard, the floor would crack before she would.
Mrs. Sthalbaum: That’ll be enough Fritz!
Pocahontas: It would've been better if we'd never met. None of this would have happened.
John Smith: Pocahontas, look at me. I would rather die tomorrow than live a hundred years without knowing you.
Calamity Jane: A man that cgeats at cards ain't got no religion.
Diane Barrows: It was there, I know it, that can't-eat, can't-sleep, reach-for-the-stars, over - the-fence, World Series kind of stuff.
High School Principal: Mr. Madison, what you've just said, is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response, were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.
Billy Madison: OK, a simple "wrong" would have done just fine.
M.J. Monahan: Nobody in this department has ever worked a serial case before.
Lt. Quinn: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I have.
M.J. Monahan: The Zodiac, right?
Lt. Quinn: That's right.
M.J. Monahan: Did anyone ever catch the Zodiac, sir, or did he die of old age?
Freddy Gale: Now you pity me. You pity me. You know, this is funny.
Mary: Whatever you are doing Freddy, stop it.
Freddy Gale: "Whatever you are doing Freddy, stop it." I hope you die. I hope you fucking die.
Bess Truman: I think like Harry - if you want a friend in Washington, get a dog.