Mike: Hellooo?
Marcus: We're your new neighbours.
Mike: Don't be alarmed, we're negros.
Marcus Burnett: Oh, man, that was cold.
Detective Sanchez: Yeah, so was your mama's bed.
Mike Lowrey: You know you drive almost slow enough to drive Miss Daisy.
Marcus Burnett: You see what happens when you go off without me? You get into shit.
Mike Lowrey: Oh please, like shit don't happen when you're there.
Marcus Burnett: That - that ain't the point.
Marcus: Mike! Please!
Mike: What? I'm paying attention. See? look...
Marcus: All I see is this scattered ass in here.
Mike: Who done tore off in your ass this time?
Marcus: Now's not the time.
Mike: Everyone wants to be like Mike. [Singing] "I wanna be, I wanna be like Mike".
Marcus: If it were me, I'd a dunked it on ya ass.
Julie Mott: I don't eat flesh.
Marcus Burnett: Say what?
Julie Mott: That's flesh that you're shoveling into your mouth. You know, that was, like, a living, breathing creature. You know, it probably had a name.
Marcus Burnett: It's just bologna. My bologna has a first name.
Captain Howard: Until then, until then, you are Mike Lowrey, you be him, that's what you are, you're him.
Marcus Burnett: But I-.
Captain Howard: You're him, I don't wanna hear it, you're him. And you, you're you, you be you, but not in front of her. You're him, you're you.
Fouchet: I like it when a woman takes pride in her appearance. Don't you?
Casper: Yeah, I hate it when a bitch lets herself slide.
Marcus Burnett: You better do something quick, 'cause we're running out of road.
Mike Lowrey: Who picked this dumb-ass road? On the goddamn road in Miami, you run out of it.
Marcus Burnett: You better come up with an idea fast.
Mike Lowrey: Why I gotta come up with all the ideas?
Mike Lowrey: Please, man. Married life is easy. You only got one woman to satisfy.
Marcus Burnett: Yo, man, we ain't the Cosbys.
Captain Howard: Ho, what did I say? Did you hear what I said? I heard what I said 'cause I was standing there when I said it.
Mike Lowrey: Marcus, I just have one question for ya bro. How the hell you gonna leave my ass at a gun fight to go get the car.
Marcus Burnett: He steals our shit, kidnaps Julie, shoots at my wife. Oh, we beatin' him down. We beatin' him down.
Mike Lowrey: Hey, hey, what's this having-a-picnic shit in my car?
Marcus Burnett: Look man, I ain't getting my sex at home, OK? Don't deny me this.
Mike Lowrey: What are you talking about, man? You sleep with a beautiful woman everyday.
Marcus Burnett: I'm married. That's what married means. It means you sleep together, but you can't get none.
Mike Lowrey: My shit always works sometimes.
Marcus Burnett: Damn, why am I tripping on shit I know is there?
Marcus Burnett: You know I'm a better cop when I get some in the morning, I feel lighter on my feet.
Marcus Burnett: You know I'm a better cop when I get some in the morning, I feel lighter on my feet.
