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The Son Also Draws - S1-E6

[Peter is eating cereal].
Peter: Oh my God, Brian... There's a message in my Alpha Bits... It says "Ooooooo".
Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios. (00:16:02)

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The Son Also Draws - S1-E6

Chris: Uh, dad. What would you say if I told you I didn't want to be in the Scouts?
Peter: I'd say 'come again!?'. Then I'd laugh cause I said 'cum'. But thank God that's not the case, eh? You're a Scout! And you know what that means? That means I love ya!
[Chris groans in frustrated annoyance.] (00:03:01)

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Mind over Murder - S1-E4

Peter: Isn't it great? Oh boy, I feel just like Tim Allen. I build stuff, and I have a criminal record. (00:10:00)

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Mom Chandler: Sometimes I have dreams that... hundreds of pairs of underwear envelop me.

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Wu Zhang: You were supposed to protect my daughter with your life. If you did your job right, you'd be dead. (00:13:24)

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Hush: This just gets better and better. (00:33:45)

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Lex Luthor: Would you like a printout? Maybe some hot cocoa before you leave?
Batman: I have what I need.
Lex Luthor: What you need, is to show me some respect. I saved all your asses against Cyborg Superman, and I'll remind you I'm a Justice League member now.
Batman: Probationary member. Don't call us, we'll call you. (00:25:44)

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Catwoman: [Spanks a thug with her whip] You know, some guys pay for that. (00:12:36)

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Cop: Captain, no mater how hard we beat the shit out of him, he won't shut up. I don't know what to do.

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Ash: When I was little my savta taught me that me that silence was a woman's best garment...[fires an explosive breach charge at a wall]. But, I have to admit... I never really took her advice to heart.

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Thatcher: GPS satellites, unmanned drones, fucking laser sites... the more crutches you have, the more it hurts when they're kicked out from under ya. If there's one thing I know for sure, it's that a six inch blade never loses reception.

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Clash: No running in the halls!

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Stu: If I do get a medal, I'm gonna donate it to an orphanage. Just to inspire those little shits. (01:24:27)

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Stu: See? Didn't that feel good? You asked for help and the sky didn't fall. [Thunder crackles and it starts to rain.] That's - that's technically not the sky. That's the sky's tears. It's tears of joy 'cause the sky is proud of you.
Vic: Please, shut up. (01:06:38)

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Stu: You fucked with the wrong Uber driver! (01:01:40)

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Vic: Oh this is your other horrible job? I came here once to buy some fishing gear. Clerk was a real dick... I wanted to shoot him in the leg, but I had self-control.
Stu: Yeah that was probably my boss. He's... the second worst guy I've ever met.
Vic: Who's the first?
Stu: I'll give you a hint. It's you. (00:56:20)

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Stu: You know, I would have said you should smile more, but now that I see this picture... good call on quitting smiling. Your face looks really bad when you smile. It also looks really bad when you don't smile... You have a bad face. (00:55:42)

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Vic: Hey, this is serious. I'm close to Tedjo.
Nicole: Yeah. You're always close to something except for the people who actually need you. (00:54:43)

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Thug: I called in a few colleagues.
Vic: How cute. The rest of Cobra Kai. (00:44:15)

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Stu: And please don't take this the wrong way... but go fuck yourself. (00:42:45)

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