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Stu: If I do get a medal, I'm gonna donate it to an orphanage. Just to inspire those little shits. (01:24:27)

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Stu: See? Didn't that feel good? You asked for help and the sky didn't fall. [Thunder crackles and it starts to rain.] That's - that's technically not the sky. That's the sky's tears. It's tears of joy 'cause the sky is proud of you.
Vic: Please, shut up. (01:06:38)

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Stu: You fucked with the wrong Uber driver! (01:01:40)

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Vic: Oh this is your other horrible job? I came here once to buy some fishing gear. Clerk was a real dick... I wanted to shoot him in the leg, but I had self-control.
Stu: Yeah that was probably my boss. He's... the second worst guy I've ever met.
Vic: Who's the first?
Stu: I'll give you a hint. It's you. (00:56:20)

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Stu: You know, I would have said you should smile more, but now that I see this picture... good call on quitting smiling. Your face looks really bad when you smile. It also looks really bad when you don't smile... You have a bad face. (00:55:42)

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Vic: Hey, this is serious. I'm close to Tedjo.
Nicole: Yeah. You're always close to something except for the people who actually need you. (00:54:43)

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Thug: I called in a few colleagues.
Vic: How cute. The rest of Cobra Kai. (00:44:15)

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Stu: And please don't take this the wrong way... but go fuck yourself. (00:42:45)

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Stu: Everyone cries. It's good for you.
Vic: I don't cry. Pico doesn't cry.
Stu: You cried when you were a baby.
Vic: Nope. Never.
Stu: You don't remember that.
Vic: I remember my birth. (00:39:26)

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Amo Cortez: Is this an Uber? Man, fuck this! I'm out of here.
Stu: Hey! This ain't no Uber. I'm undercover. And I'm the baaaaad cop, you little girl. (00:37:26)

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Amber: Water only four hours before stage! Ain't that right, fellas?
Dancers: Yeah. Yes, ma'am.
Man: Them the rules.
Stu: Not even, like, a granola bar? Is that healthy?
Amber: Who the fuck are you?
Stu: Oh no, actually I just think carbs are unfairly demonized. No. If that's how he's looking I wouldn't change what he's cookin'.
Dancer: It's fine.
Amber: Oh, it's fine? So you think people come in here to see a fat piece of shit floppin' his tits around?
Dancer: I don't have tits.
Amber: Nobody wants to see a big dick hanging of a bag of garbage.
Stu: Shouldn't have weighed in. I'm sorry. Not a pun.
Amber: Oh, no, no. Please continue to mansplain to me what I'm supposed to be doing. 'Cause, you know, as a woman I have no fucking idea!
Stu: You do your thing... I'll go fuck myself.
Amber: Thank you so much for giving me permission! (00:26:11)

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Becca: I really need you.
Stu: I'm just gonna drop off Douche Lundgren, and I'll be right over. Okay? (00:22:20)

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Stu: You know, generally people who don't want conversation hop in the back. If you sit shotgun, it's sort of code that you're D-T-T... Down-To-Talk.
Vic: I'm more, D-T-shut-the-fuck-up. (00:18:30)

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Richie: Becca, I like your shoes. They don't really go with your outfit, but, uh, you can pull it off.
Becca: Oh, Richie, thank you. I like your facial hair. Although, am I your type? 'Cause I'm over 12.
(00:11:15)

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Other mistake: Vic and Stu get into a shoot out inside the animal hospital with some thugs, guns firing all over the place. The building is full of animals like dogs and cats and parrots. However, the animals stay completely calm and quiet during the entire gun fight and seem unaffected by the rapid, very loud banging of gun fire. Even right after it, a cat that just had it's tail stepped on sits on a dead body and meows like nothing happened. This is completely uncharacteristic of how animals would act to loud gunfire in an enclosed building, especially in a vet's. (00:45:00)

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Continuity mistake: Stu picks up a guy after he's first introduced, and tells him to stop calling him "Stuber." In the first shot, Stu is looking in the other guy's direction, but when the camera cuts to a different angle suddenly Stu is looking straight ahead. (00:06:43)

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Continuity mistake: When Nicole is telling Stu that he might as well call his gym "Old Hag Bikes", he is looking at her and smiling. It cuts to a close up of him and suddenly he's looking slightly up and off to the side with a pondering face. (00:53:25)

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