Kaiser Wilhelm II: I'm ashamed to say that before and after my first marriage I, myself, fathered at least two illegitimate children: one with an Austrian countess, another with a French prostitute who was known in court circles as Madame L'Amour. Both of them, incidentally, blackmailed me for huge sums of money, the Countess and the prostitute. I expected better of the prostitute.
Michelle Darnell: Pity's all you've got. Pity's your best friend.
Amy: This party is raging.
Kiki: What a turnout.
Martha Stewart: Hi, would you ladies like a Jell-O shot?
Amy: Is that, is that? Martha Stewart! Martha, Oh, my God.
Kiki: Thank you. Oh, my God.
Martha Stewart: Good, right?
Carla: I'm cumming.
Kiki: Oh, my God. What's in this?
Martha Stewart: Well, it's bespoke lingonberry gelatin... and a shitload of vodka.
Kiki: They're delicious.
Martha Stewart: I start my day with six of these.
Carl Black: We gotta make sure there're no more black people 'round here, 'cause they will snitch.
Ravenna: Are you ready huntsman?
The Huntsman: Aye.
Lizzie Cree: 500 pounds and the camera. It would seem I gave an excellent beating.
Marcy: We're all gonna get it, we're all gonna get sick.
Ms. Wicklund: You live on your phones! You have no idea how to function like normal people in the real world.
Colleen Collette: Ms.Wicklund - This isn't the real world.
Colleen McKenzie: This is Canada.
Sheriff Rick: You be careful, son.
Tripp: Rick. I'm sorry I said all those terrible things about you,.
Sheriff Rick: Wait. What?
Evan Walker: But then I saw you. I don't know how. I-I don't understand it, but... It was like you flipped the switch back. You made me wanna be human again.
Finnegan: That just went from cute to restraining order.
Dr. Lui Cheng: Do you know the cruelest thing you can do to someone you've locked in a room? Press their face to the window.
Master Durand: Coconut.
James Bowen: I'm ready. I've got Bob. He'll look after me.
Reverend Timothy Farthing: The morris dancers have booked the hall for one o'clock. I do hope you're not going to run over.
George Mainwaring: There is a war on you know, Vicar. If we're not finished, they'll just have to prance about outside.
Walter Stackhouse: Come on, come on, come on.
Clara Stackhouse: You are a sex maniac.
Walter Stackhouse: You used to love my mania. Come on, let's try to remember. Why don't we start by christening every room in this house?
Clara Stackhouse: Please, Walter. Not tonight. Can't you just go to sleep?
Walter Stackhouse: Ah, god. When is it going to fucking end, Clara? Why are you so unhappy?
James Payton: Now, you guys think it's gang-related. I say that's bullshit.
Maya: Because you're an expert on local gangs?
James Payton: No, I'm an expert on bullshit.
The Voice: In two minutes we want thirty of you dead. If thirty of you are not dead, we will end sixty of your lives ourselves. Five, four, three, two, one. Begin.
Urshu: No one has ever so honored the great God Ra. He will pass over it's peak and marvel at the tribute you have built in his name.
Set: Is that it?
Urshu: I'm sorry?
Set: Well, can you make it any taller?
Urshu: T-Taller?
Set: Yes, it's a simple question.
Urshu: Well, that might be difficult, um, now, I mean.
Set: Relax, Urshu, I'm joking.
Urshu: Hah, hah, hah, hahaha.