Best comedy movie quotes of 2014

Phillip Altman: Dad was a stoner?
Judd Altman: No, it was probably medicinal.
Phillip Altman: It always is.

General Dark Onward: Where did all these fucking boxes come from?

Vincent: A lady of the night.
Oliver: What's that?
Vincent: It's one of the more honest ways to make a living.

Mike Shiner: Popularity is the slutty little cousin of prestige.

Dave Skylark: When you score a Bin Laden, or a Hitler, or an Un, you take it by the balls! It's the first rule of journalism. You give the people what they waaant.
Aaron Rapaport: That's not the first rule of journalism. I think it's like the first rule of like circuses and demolition derbies.

Felix O'neil: Difficult, yes. Impossible... probably yes but that's never stopped us before.

Dennis: But anyone who says there's no such thing as a bad egg obviously hasn't worked in social services.

Kyle: Are you in a crack house?
Meghan: Yes! That's what I've been trying to tell you.

Jade: Hi, I'm Jade. Welcome to Chick Planet Massage! Please take a look at today's Pussy Eater's special which is good all day until closing time.
Doc Sportello: How much is it?
Jade: $14.95.
Doc Sportello: Errr, not that $14.95 ain't a totally groovy price, but I'm really trying to locate this guy who works for Mr. Wolfmann?
Jade: Oh, does he eat pussy?
Doc Sportello: A fella by the name of Glenn Charlock?
Jade: Oh sure, Glenn! He comes in here. He eats pussy.

Stanley: I can't forgive you, only God can forgive you.
Sophie: But you said there is no God.
Stanley: Precisely my point.

Cornelia: We've got this Ayahuasca ceremony this weekend with Jamie and Darby.
Marina: What's an Ayahuasca ceremony?
Cornelia: You drink this sludgy liquid and you hallucinate and vomit up your demons.
Marina: Okay. Well, we're just having a cookout and maybe playing charades.

Max Simkin: Hey, Ma, let me ask you somethin'. You ever wish you were somebody else?
Sarah Simkin: No. I'm your mother. That's all I ever wanted to be.
Max Simkin: But... if you could do whatever you wanted to do, what would it be?
Sarah Simkin: Um... Have dinner with your father. That would be nice.

Olivia: Green, eco-friendly zone.

Moza: Good evening, a table for one?
Cuenca: I see you're good at math.

Alice Klieg: Come with me. Into another time that happened to me.

Chrystal: What's the point in giving love if nobody gives it back?
Grumpy Cat: That's how we feel. Contrary to that sign on the door, we're not pets. I mean until somebody takes us home and loves us, we're just animals.

Jagat Janani: What is your name?
P.K.: I don't have any name. But I don't know why people called me PK... Pk.

Gordy McLeod: This morning I was thinking about Doug when he was Jess' age. I used to tickle him and he'd go, "No, no, no!" Then when I was finished, he'd go, "More, more, more, more!" Which sums up exactly how I feel about living.

Bette Altmann: Henry, what's going on?
Henry Altmann: We have to have sex, immediately! I don't have a lot of time.

Alice: Ni le début d'abus.