Andre Allen: Fry or die.
Mick: Charles Manson is walking through the forest with this guy. And this guy turns to him and says, Dude, this is one scary forest. Charles turns to him and says, Shutup, man! I'm the one who's gotta walk outta here on my own!
Aaron Rapaport: I packed like a fool! Like a goddamn fool.
Gordon: Good God, man. You've fallen for that little slice of American pie.
Richard: Dad.
Gordon: Now you listen to me. This might be the most important bit of advice that I ever give you. American women may be fun and Victoria Secret when you first met them, but as soon as they get their claws into you, they stop fucking and start eating, and the only ass you gonna get is a fat one.
Amos: The bracelet has a fiber optic cable inside it. So if you try to break it or if you damage it, a tamper signal will be sent out immediately.
Miriam Bucknell: Gosh, that's high-tech, isn't it? Aren't you lucky, Kylie? Having all that fancy technology on your foot. Quite spoilt.
General Dark Onward: Where did all these fucking boxes come from?
Doc Sportello: So, what've you been up to?
Japonica Fenway: Escaping, mostly, and I escape real good.
Mike Shiner: Popularity is the slutty little cousin of prestige.
Felix O'neil: Difficult, yes. Impossible... probably yes but that's never stopped us before.
Max: I'll let Evelyn eat me, turn me into one of the living dead, and we can rot unhappily ever after.
Kyle: Are you in a crack house?
Meghan: Yes! That's what I've been trying to tell you.
Alice Klieg: Ladies and gentlemen, meatloaf cake, with mashed sweet potato icing, with only 433 calories, 52 grams of protein, and only five caibo-hydrants. I think I'm going to have a slice.
Bernie: I wanna talk to you, man. All that stuff that I was sayin' to you about her potentially being Alison? I didn't mean it, man. I'm seeing a difference in you. I feel like it's because of her. I'm kind of like, jealous, a little bit? I'm really happy for you, Danny.
Danny: Really?
Bernie: Fuck no! This is stupid.
Max Simkin: Hey, Ma, let me ask you somethin'. You ever wish you were somebody else?
Sarah Simkin: No. I'm your mother. That's all I ever wanted to be.
Max Simkin: But... if you could do whatever you wanted to do, what would it be?
Sarah Simkin: Um... Have dinner with your father. That would be nice.
Bruce: Synthetic, less friction means less blisters. Unless you like blisters. Who likes blisters?
Bruce: Pilgrims.
Bejan: Exactly.
Moza: Good evening, a table for one?
Cuenca: I see you're good at math.
Kevin: Okay, So here's the Plan... We take them inside, get their hand stamped and they can't get out. Like Shawshank Redemption.
Marco: I love it.
Chrystal: What's the point in giving love if nobody gives it back?
Grumpy Cat: That's how we feel. Contrary to that sign on the door, we're not pets. I mean until somebody takes us home and loves us, we're just animals.