Keith: Although I was only gone for a few hours, I found myself missing you. Now, it's quite possible that if I'd stayed away a few more hours I'd have just completely got over that, but now we'll never know.
Cinderella's Prince: I was raised to be charming, not sincere.
Blade Ranger: It takes a special kind of plane to become a firefighter.
Jagat Janani: What is your name?
P.K.: I don't have any name. But I don't know why people called me PK... Pk.
Gordy McLeod: This morning I was thinking about Doug when he was Jess' age. I used to tickle him and he'd go, "No, no, no!" Then when I was finished, he'd go, "More, more, more, more!" Which sums up exactly how I feel about living.
Bette Altmann: Henry, what's going on?
Henry Altmann: We have to have sex, immediately! I don't have a lot of time.
Old Monk: Would you like to come in?
Hector: Yes, please. 'Cause I might not be around next week.
Old Monk: The moment of death is indeed uncertain. Come in.
Policeman Macy's: Alright lady, I'll put you down. You're an idiot.
James Payton: So, you Omar! Damn, man! You ain't what I pictured. You ain't nothing but a black dude. Probably from Decatur.
Glenn Kenneth: Please don't hurt me. I have two kittens.
Zach Orfman: Oh, everything's great. Beth's alive and it was all just one big hoax. So, just forget about it.
Judy Orfman: Well, I don't think that's funny.
Zach Orfman: Yeah, well, I don't either.
Justin: I look like somebody hit me in the face with Lil Wayne.
Penny Moore: You used to laugh at my jokes.
Judd Altman: No, I didn't.
Penny Moore: Yes, you did.
Judd Altman: Yes, I did, but your jokes used to be funnier.
Jay Wheeler: Whats the matter?
Daisy Kensington: You're standing on my toes.
Jamie Wellerstein: Did you call your agent.
Cathy Hiatt: He's on a retreat.
Jamie Wellerstein: What the hell is an agent retreat?
Cathy Hiatt: I don't know, they go into the woods and sacrifice actresses to breed more agents.
Terry: It is what it is.
Vincent: "It is what it is"? Everyone's saying that now. You know what it means? You're screwed, and you shall remain screwed.
Pink Poodle: Kill me now.
Sir Lancelot: You always put the monkey in charge?
Larry Daley: Oh, he's not in charge, we're just following him.
Sir Lancelot: That's what being in charge means.