Oren Little: And when you sing "Cry Me a River," it doesn't have to be the whole river.
Cinderella's Prince: I was raised to be charming, not sincere.
Blade Ranger: It takes a special kind of plane to become a firefighter.
Mick: Charles Manson is walking through the forest with this guy. And this guy turns to him and says, Dude, this is one scary forest. Charles turns to him and says, Shutup, man! I'm the one who's gotta walk outta here on my own!
Daisy Kensington: That man offer me $100 for a handjob. I've never had a job.
Glenn Kenneth: Please don't hurt me. I have two kittens.
Chrystal: What's the point in giving love if nobody gives it back?
Grumpy Cat: That's how we feel. Contrary to that sign on the door, we're not pets. I mean until somebody takes us home and loves us, we're just animals.
Bernie: I wanna talk to you, man. All that stuff that I was sayin' to you about her potentially being Alison? I didn't mean it, man. I'm seeing a difference in you. I feel like it's because of her. I'm kind of like, jealous, a little bit? I'm really happy for you, Danny.
Danny: Really?
Bernie: Fuck no! This is stupid.
Gordy McLeod: This morning I was thinking about Doug when he was Jess' age. I used to tickle him and he'd go, "No, no, no!" Then when I was finished, he'd go, "More, more, more, more!" Which sums up exactly how I feel about living.
Bruce: Synthetic, less friction means less blisters. Unless you like blisters. Who likes blisters?
Bruce: Pilgrims.
Bejan: Exactly.
Kevin: Okay, So here's the Plan... We take them inside, get their hand stamped and they can't get out. Like Shawshank Redemption.
Marco: I love it.
James Payton: So, you Omar! Damn, man! You ain't what I pictured. You ain't nothing but a black dude. Probably from Decatur.
Jagat Janani: What is your name?
P.K.: I don't have any name. But I don't know why people called me PK... Pk.
Justin: I look like somebody hit me in the face with Lil Wayne.
Bette Altmann: Henry, what's going on?
Henry Altmann: We have to have sex, immediately! I don't have a lot of time.
Jamie Wellerstein: Did you call your agent.
Cathy Hiatt: He's on a retreat.
Jamie Wellerstein: What the hell is an agent retreat?
Cathy Hiatt: I don't know, they go into the woods and sacrifice actresses to breed more agents.
Policeman Macy's: Alright lady, I'll put you down. You're an idiot.
