Bob Quimby: Ramona, your sister has a report card. Doesn't that mean you should have one too?
Ramona Quimby: Uh... No.
Mr. Washington: Read him a bedtime story.
Sam: If my wife and I fought like that... we'd still be married.
Wally Mars: Do you want to tell me about your new school?
Sebastian: Why?
Wally Mars: Because you're a kid and there's nothing else to talk about.
Miranda Hobbes: Sometimes, as much as I love Brady, being a mother just isn't enough. I miss my job.
Doctor Monro: And your new students, are they enjoying your lectures?
Doctor Robert Knox: Er, not as much as I understand they're enjoying your wife, sir.
Mitchie Torres: This is me, trying to save something that I care about.
Shane Gray: So am I.
Mitchie Torres: Really? And how's that working out for you?
Ethan Tremblay: My father always had a saying "When a day starts like this it's all uphill from here.
Peter Highman: Uphill? No, it's all downhill from here.
Ethan Tremblay: But nobody wants to be down, everybody wants to be up. It's all uphill from here.
Peter Highman: But it's easier to go downhill. So your dad had no idea what the fuck he was talking about.
P.K. Highsmith: Ay, ay, ay! You shut your face! If I wanna hear you talk, I'll shove my arm up your ass and work your mouth like a puppet! You hear me? You hear me?!
Big Ronnie: Apology not fucking accepted.
Derek Thompson: You can't handle the Tooth! And that's the Tooth, the whole Tooth and nothing but the Tooth! I pledge allegiance to the Tooth.
Lou: Tab Lazenby. So you're the new fat cat at meows. And by that, I mean you should really switch to skimmed milk.
Tab Lazenby: Oh, Lou, so catty. I see they've given you the key to the executive dumpster. All that butt-sniffing finally paid off.
John: Been in kind of a dark, existential place, to tell you the truth and then... I met your mom.
Matty: Let me ask you something, how do you know when you're in love?
Bullpen Pitcher: Well.
Matty: What?
Bullpen Pitcher: I've got a way, whenever this one thing happens I know I'm done. I will tell you but its personal and I don't want anybody making fun of me for it.
Matty: No, no-ones going to... just go.
Bullpen Pitcher: I think I'm in love with somebody when I wear a condom with the other girls, OK?
Matty: Holy shit I'm in love.
Darla: I'm a naughty schoolgirl!
Barry: You look a little old to be a schoolgirl.
Caliban: This island is mine.
Glen McCreavy: Why does the asshole always get the girl?
