Mr. Washington: Read him a bedtime story.
Sam: If my wife and I fought like that... we'd still be married.
Wally Mars: Do you want to tell me about your new school?
Sebastian: Why?
Wally Mars: Because you're a kid and there's nothing else to talk about.
Miranda Hobbes: Sometimes, as much as I love Brady, being a mother just isn't enough. I miss my job.
Doctor Monro: And your new students, are they enjoying your lectures?
Doctor Robert Knox: Er, not as much as I understand they're enjoying your wife, sir.
Mitchie Torres: This is me, trying to save something that I care about.
Shane Gray: So am I.
Mitchie Torres: Really? And how's that working out for you?
Ethan Tremblay: My father always had a saying "When a day starts like this it's all uphill from here.
Peter Highman: Uphill? No, it's all downhill from here.
Ethan Tremblay: But nobody wants to be down, everybody wants to be up. It's all uphill from here.
Peter Highman: But it's easier to go downhill. So your dad had no idea what the fuck he was talking about.
Dave Stutler: I'm afraid of flying on planes!
Balthazar Blake: Well, today's your lucky day 'cause I brought an eagle.
P.K. Highsmith: Ay, ay, ay! You shut your face! If I wanna hear you talk, I'll shove my arm up your ass and work your mouth like a puppet! You hear me? You hear me?!
Levan Beeze: Ann's in a bad mood because her parents are getting divorced, my mom is her moms attorney.
Ann DiGanno: They're not getting divorced, they're getting legally separated.
Mona Gray: Levan, client attorney confidentiality is confidential, so, shh.
Dan Sanders: Miley Cyrus.
Claire Foster: Honey, If I'm gonna get whacked off, I...
[Phil laughs.]
Claire Foster: What are you smiling about?
Phil Foster: No, no, we might get bumped off. We're not going to get whacked off.
Claire Foster: I think we are!
Paul Hodges: Why did you smack me?
Jimmy Monroe: I was in the moment, and the moment said smack ya.
Mike Pomeroy: You know what I've noticed, people only say "lighten up" when they're gonna stick their fist up your ass.
Big Ronnie: Apology not fucking accepted.
John: Been in kind of a dark, existential place, to tell you the truth and then... I met your mom.
Lou: Tab Lazenby. So you're the new fat cat at meows. And by that, I mean you should really switch to skimmed milk.
Tab Lazenby: Oh, Lou, so catty. I see they've given you the key to the executive dumpster. All that butt-sniffing finally paid off.
Darla: I'm a naughty schoolgirl!
Barry: You look a little old to be a schoolgirl.