Best comedy movie quotes of 2010

Spencer Aimes: We've been married for three years and we've never been more than five minutes away from your parents. They're always coming over and your dad's all... all... Well, uh, this is how the Kornfeldt's load the dishwasher. And, mow the lawn clockwise 'cause that's the Kornfeldt way. Take this piece of coal, stick it up your kiester, squeeze it real tight like we do, and you'll and make a Kornfeldt diamond.

Howard Marks: A dealer is really just someone who buys more dope than he can smoke. And I have to say, I'm ashamed, I tried to smoke it all. There was just too fuckin' much of it.

Dylan Dog: See? That's just what this case needed. A seven-foot tall, flesh-eating zombie. Which begs the question, are there any actual people left in New Orleans?

Ben Smith: I like you. I haven't liked anyone... like this in a long time.
Mona Gray: How long were you engaged?
Ben Smith: Seven months.
Mona Gray: Which months?
Ben Smith: December to July. Why?
Mona Gray: That's 212 days. Unless it was a leap year.

Parrot: I love you, Mr Maynard.
Victor Maynard: What the fuck?

Claire Foster: Honey, If I'm gonna get whacked off, I...
[Phil laughs.]
Claire Foster: What are you smiling about?
Phil Foster: No, no, we might get bumped off. We're not going to get whacked off.
Claire Foster: I think we are!

Dan Sanders: Miley Cyrus.

Paul Hodges: Why did you smack me?
Jimmy Monroe: I was in the moment, and the moment said smack ya.

Jack Abramoff: Washington is like Hollywood, but with uglier faces.

Derek Thompson: I'm the Tooth Fairy.
Randy: Thought you said you were a vampire. You got some inconsistent mythology.

Bruce Pearson: Freddie, stop listening to music made by poofs. Stick on some Elton John.

Dan: When I suck my dick, I lie on my back, I throw my legs over my head.
Box: You suck your own dick?
Dan: Yeah.
Box: You cut your own hair and you suck your own dick. You're like a Swiss army knife.

Jonathan Snow: That's the best part about the Jeffrey. It goes away and then it comes back.

Puck: Six beers enter. No beers leave.

Mike Pomeroy: You know what I've noticed, people only say "lighten up" when they're gonna stick their fist up your ass.

John: What are you doing here in the forest with Shrek.
Molly: I was gonna pee in the bushes, and you took my spot.

Claudia: Not every woman needs 2.5 kids and a husband and a mini-van to complete her. My friends are my family, that firm is my spouse, I wake up every morning, a happy, single, successful woman, wondering what on earth could I possibly need?
Gina: Ha-ha! So you got it all figured out huh?
Claudia: Yeah. Pretty much.
Gina: Well, I guess we will see.
Claudia: I know what I want and I'm getting it. We're done. Stop the car! Get out.

Therman: I want you to say, "You can eat my pudding."

Nick Halsey: You need to put up some curtains.
Samantha: Why? So I don't have some drunk staring at me all day?
Nick Halsey: No so you don't have to look at your future.

Glen McCreavy: Why does the asshole always get the girl?