Nick Halsey: You need to put up some curtains.
Samantha: Why? So I don't have some drunk staring at me all day?
Nick Halsey: No so you don't have to look at your future.
Mike Pomeroy: You know what I've noticed, people only say "lighten up" when they're gonna stick their fist up your ass.
Big Ronnie: Apology not fucking accepted.
Derek Thompson: You can't handle the Tooth! And that's the Tooth, the whole Tooth and nothing but the Tooth! I pledge allegiance to the Tooth.
Lou: Tab Lazenby. So you're the new fat cat at meows. And by that, I mean you should really switch to skimmed milk.
Tab Lazenby: Oh, Lou, so catty. I see they've given you the key to the executive dumpster. All that butt-sniffing finally paid off.
John: Been in kind of a dark, existential place, to tell you the truth and then... I met your mom.
Caliban: This island is mine.
Darla: I'm a naughty schoolgirl!
Barry: You look a little old to be a schoolgirl.
Glen McCreavy: Why does the asshole always get the girl?
John 'Spud' Milton: I don't know about you Sir, but drinking just makes me sad. It's like the more you drink, the sadder you get... and the sadder you get the more you drink.
Ma-Ti: You're a fool, Critic! A damn fool! You cannot change your destiny! You can only choose to meet it... and you will fail.
Louis Ives: You have a strange power over people, Henry.
Henry Harrison: It's my constant disapproval. Some find it fatherly.
Spencer Aimes: We've been married for three years and we've never been more than five minutes away from your parents. They're always coming over and your dad's all... all... Well, uh, this is how the Kornfeldt's load the dishwasher. And, mow the lawn clockwise 'cause that's the Kornfeldt way. Take this piece of coal, stick it up your kiester, squeeze it real tight like we do, and you'll and make a Kornfeldt diamond.
Dan Sanders: Miley Cyrus.
Victor: It's not a mushroom, okay. It's a truffle.
Dylan Dog: See? That's just what this case needed. A seven-foot tall, flesh-eating zombie. Which begs the question, are there any actual people left in New Orleans?
Aldous Snow: Doesn't it make sense that we should stay here and possibly have the time of your life?
Howard Marks: A dealer is really just someone who buys more dope than he can smoke. And I have to say, I'm ashamed, I tried to smoke it all. There was just too fuckin' much of it.