Roger Greenberg: Its huge to finally embrace the life you never planned on.
Jack Abramoff: Washington is like Hollywood, but with uglier faces.
Levan Beeze: Ann's in a bad mood because her parents are getting divorced, my mom is her moms attorney.
Ann DiGanno: They're not getting divorced, they're getting legally separated.
Mona Gray: Levan, client attorney confidentiality is confidential, so, shh.
Dan Sanders: Miley Cyrus.
Claire Foster: Honey, If I'm gonna get whacked off, I...
[Phil laughs.]
Claire Foster: What are you smiling about?
Phil Foster: No, no, we might get bumped off. We're not going to get whacked off.
Claire Foster: I think we are!
Paul Hodges: Why did you smack me?
Jimmy Monroe: I was in the moment, and the moment said smack ya.
Mike Pomeroy: You know what I've noticed, people only say "lighten up" when they're gonna stick their fist up your ass.
Big Ronnie: Apology not fucking accepted.
John: Been in kind of a dark, existential place, to tell you the truth and then... I met your mom.
Lou: Tab Lazenby. So you're the new fat cat at meows. And by that, I mean you should really switch to skimmed milk.
Tab Lazenby: Oh, Lou, so catty. I see they've given you the key to the executive dumpster. All that butt-sniffing finally paid off.
Darla: I'm a naughty schoolgirl!
Barry: You look a little old to be a schoolgirl.
Matty: Let me ask you something, how do you know when you're in love?
Bullpen Pitcher: Well.
Matty: What?
Bullpen Pitcher: I've got a way, whenever this one thing happens I know I'm done. I will tell you but its personal and I don't want anybody making fun of me for it.
Matty: No, no-ones going to... just go.
Bullpen Pitcher: I think I'm in love with somebody when I wear a condom with the other girls, OK?
Matty: Holy shit I'm in love.
Lemuel Gulliver: Remember, there's no small jobs, just small people. Teeny, tiny, teeny little people.
Caliban: This island is mine.
Glen McCreavy: Why does the asshole always get the girl?
Derek Thompson: Does this tutu make my butt look big?
Lily: Yes.
John 'Spud' Milton: I don't know about you Sir, but drinking just makes me sad. It's like the more you drink, the sadder you get... and the sadder you get the more you drink.
Louis Ives: You have a strange power over people, Henry.
Henry Harrison: It's my constant disapproval. Some find it fatherly.
Bruce Pearson: Freddie, stop listening to music made by poofs. Stick on some Elton John.