Fred's Dad: I should have ejaculated in your mother's anus instead the night you were conceived.
Flynn Rider: They just can't get my nose right.
Scott Pilgrim: When I'm around you, I kind of feel like I'm on drugs. Not that I do drugs. Unless you do drugs, in which case I do them all the time. All of them.
Olive Penderghast: Whatever happened to chivalry? Does it only exist in 80's movies? I want John Cusack holding a boombox outside my window. I wanna ride off on a lawnmower with Patrick Dempsey. I want Jake from Sixteen Candles waiting outside the church for me. I want Judd Nelson thrusting his fist into the air because he knows he got me. Just once I want my life to be like an 80's movie, preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason. But no, no, John Hughes did not direct my life.
Col. John 'Hannibal' Smith: Overkill is underrated.
Bride: May you never steal, lie, or cheat, but if you must steal, then steal away my sorrows, and if you must lie, lie with me all the nights of my life, and if you must cheat, then please cheat death because I couldn't live a day without you. Cheers!
Puss in Boots: Feed me, if you dare.
Frank Moses: Kordeski trained you?
William Cooper: Yeah?
Frank Moses: I trained Kordeski.
Estelle: When you love someone, you love all of them. You gotta love everything about them, not just the good things but the bad things too. The things that you find lovable and the things you don't.
Gru: Do you speak Spanish?
Miss Hattie: Do I look like someone who speaks Spanish?
Gru: It's just that your face is so... Como es burro.
Miss Hattie: Oh! Why, thank you!
[Trying to name other couples like Kirk and Molly.]
Devon: The president of France and that girl who went out with Mick Jagger.
Stainer: He knows about wine! And he has a French accent! He could probably french-kiss like a motherfucker.
Jamie Randall: I need you.
Maggie Murdock: Please go away.
Jamie Randall: I drove a really long way to say that!
Maggie Murdock: What, am I supposed to be impressed?
Jamie Randall: I don't know, yes?
Deanne McKenzie: How about I take you out for a date night every Thursday?
Kurt McKenzie: Well, Thursday night is Grey's Anatomy, but any other night would be great.
Dave Lizewski: How do I get a hold of you?
Hit Girl: You just contact the mayor's office, he has a special signal he shines in the sky. It's in the shape of a giant cock.
Fessal: 'Can I have 12 bottles of bleach please?'
Barry: What's that?
Fessal: It's a woman's voice 'cause... They'd want lots of liquid peroxide... So they can... Dye her hair or something...
Barry: And her beard.
Fessal: What?
Barry: You've got a beard!
Fessal: I covered it!
Barry: You covered your beard? How?
[Fessal covers his beard feebly with his own hands.]
Barry: So you went into a shop... With your hands on your face, like that, and asked for 12 bottles of bleach? So why has she got her hands on her face, Fess?
Fessal: [after an uncomfortably long silence.] 'Cause she's got a beard.
Roy Miller: I warned you about the plane.
June Havens: No you didn't!
Roy Miller: I said that some things happen for a reason.
June Havens: That's not a warning! A warning is, June, if you get on this plane, you will fucking die!
Buzz Lightyear: Quiet, musical hog!
Annie: I'm so sick of optimism, it's fucking exhausting.