Paris Hilton: I'm a Hilton, I don't bow... But I do bend over.
Massie Block: Loser, loser, double loser, whatever, as if, get the picture, duh.
Professor Turner: She fucks like an epileptic at a strobe light convention.
Robbie: I wrote a song about you.
Georgia Nicolson: Really?!
Robbie: Yeah. It's called "Bitch in Uniform."
Chloe: You don't scare me anymore.
Diablo: Then why are you shaking?
Chloe: Cause I am a Chihuahua.
John Grogan: A dog doesn't care if you're rich or poor, educated or illiterate, clever or dull. Give him your heart and he will give you his.
Shane Gray: That's the song.
Nate: So that must be the girl.
Jason: Ya think?
Emmit: You're the bitch.
Filkins: Huh?
Emmit: Aaaaah that's right.
Nim Rusoe: Nobody invades my island and gets away with it.
Gail: Usually he's harder than trigonometry.
Jackie Moon: Fuck you Clarence! Spumoni.
Gloria: Found any water yet?
Moto Moto: No, just more diamonds and gold.
Maxwell Smart: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
The Chief: I don't know. Were you thinking "Holy shit, holy shit! A swordfish almost went through my head"? If so, yes.
Carter Rutherford: I thought you liked me.
Jimmy 'Dodge' Connelly: Look, she's too old for you.
Lexie Littleton: What? Well, you're too old for me.
Jimmy 'Dodge' Connelly: Well, you got me on that one.
Adele Lack: Everyone is disappointing the more you know them.
Miriam Linky: Nobody wants to see us fuck, Zack!
Zack: EVERYBODY wants to see ANYBODY fuck. I hate Rosie O'Donell, but if somebody said "I got a tape of Rosie O'Donell getting fucked stupid" I'd be like "Why the fuck aren't we watching that right now?"
Hater: This is my lesbian sister. Tell them about your softball team, tell them about your team.
Bill Maher: And I see you've got a lot of bling.
Jeremiah Cummings: I like gold. The people want you to look well.
Bill Maher: That's what pimps say about their women.
Brand Hauser: Did you know that the word "person" comes from the Latin word "persona", which means mask? So maybe being human means we invite spectators to ponder what lies behind. Each of us will be composed of a variety of masks, and if we can see behind the mask, we would get a burst of clarity. And if that flame was bright enough, that's when we fall in love. What's your opinion on these divine matters?
Natalie Hegalhuzen: I'm not going to fuck you. You know that, right?