Josh: Oh, grandpa fell asleep again.
Timm: No, he's dead.
Will: I never told you the happy ending.
Maya: What is it?
Will: You.
Narrator: So sometimes it doesn't take much for your dreams to come true, you just have to be able to see it that way.
Emma: You can't find something if you don't know what you're looking for.
Tibby: So Kostos isn't married. Why can't you just stop thinking about it and follow your heart?
Lena: Because...he broke my heart!
Penelope Stamp: There is no such thing as an unwritten life, only a badly written one.
Bender: Don't hurt me! I'll betray anyone.
Steven Spurrier: Great wine is great art, my friend. I am, in effect, a shepherd... whose mission is to offer the public another form of great art and to guide its appreciation thereof.
Maurice: Well, a shepherd... by definition, needs a flock. And a business, by necessity... needs customers.
Steven Spurrier: So, if I were to subscribe to that proviso would you be considered a customer?
Maurice: No. No, I would be considered... an enthusiastic... advocate.
Jerry: [Talking about The Lion King] It's deeply deep. 'Cause the uncle kills the nephew's father.
Old Lady: Which is his brother.
Jerry: That's his brother. He kills his own brother, right? That's some heavy Shapeskearean shit.
Mike: [laughs]
Jerry: What's funny?
Mike: Shape...nothing.
Abby: Somewhere along the way I just forgot what I wanted to do with my life.
Frank Allen: You caught me reminiscing. A lot of memories here. Buy you a drink?
Ed: Oh, I'd love to Frank, but uh... I'm kind of... I'm... I'm in a bit of a rush.
Frank Allen: I insist. After all, it is the traditional function of the father of the bride.
Ed: What is?
Frank Allen: Keeping the groom away from back exits.
High School Student: Wait, aren't you the freshman they tied to the snowman penis?
Bobby Funke: Sophomore.
Suit: I'm betting beard.
Ben: What kind of remark is that? People's livelihood are at stake.
Suit: Make a note, a producer with a conscience.
Flynn Carsen: The Judas Chalice. The holy grail for vampires.
Larry: I'm gonna shove that BlackBerry up where it's gonna be a BrownBerry.
Drunk Girl: The point is, sluts need love too. And a whole lot of dick, am I right?
James Wetherhold: Vanessa here is the perfect little housewife. I mean daughter.
Vanessa Wetherhold: Yes, if by perfect you mean not retarded, slash suffering from insurmountable credit card debt, then yes, I'm indeed perfect.
Sameer's Mother: There are things you must do with women that you cannot do with men.
Juney: I know this is 'An Inconvenient Truth', but it's global warming.
Matt Gadman: Hey, uh, Uncle Rob?
Robert 'Fish' Fishman: No, I will not buy beer for you and your friends, nor will I lend you my password to porn sites.