Tess Finnegan: Your uselessness is epic.
Angie Ostrowiski: Stop framing your face.
Kate Holbrook: I think it works.
Angie Ostrowiski: It doesn't.
Mr. Big: I will love you forever, Ever Thine, Ever Mine, Ever Ours.
Michael: Ice pick?
Delysia: It's in the drawer. Somewhere! Ice in the Fridgedair?
Michael: I want the pick for murder, not ice.
Ashley: Dan! Sorry, the phone scared me so I killed it.
Cohen the Barbarian: Hot water. Good dentishtry. Shoft lavatory paper.
Josh: Oh, grandpa fell asleep again.
Timm: No, he's dead.
Narrator: The story said she was a prisoner but that wasn't totally true because she had hope and whenever you have hope, you're never really anybody's prisoner.
Bender: Don't hurt me! I'll betray anyone.
Bloom: Do you feel cheated?
Penelope Stamp: The trick to not feeling cheated is to learn how to cheat.
Emma: You can't find something if you don't know what you're looking for.
Jim Barrett: Why don't I like you?
Steven Spurrier: Because you think I'm an arsehole. And I'm not, really. I'm just British and, well... you're not.
Frank Allen: You caught me reminiscing. A lot of memories here. Buy you a drink?
Ed: Oh, I'd love to Frank, but uh... I'm kind of... I'm... I'm in a bit of a rush.
Frank Allen: I insist. After all, it is the traditional function of the father of the bride.
Ed: What is?
Frank Allen: Keeping the groom away from back exits.
Maezumi: A bowl of ramen is a self-contained universe with life from the sea, the mountains, and the earth. All existing in perfect harmony. Harmony is essential. What holds it all together is the broth. The broth gives life to the ramen.
Suit: I'm betting beard.
Ben: What kind of remark is that? People's livelihood are at stake.
Suit: Make a note, a producer with a conscience.
Sam Landis: Let me guess. You finally want to start that boy band you've been dreaming about.
Principal Jared T. Kirkpatrick: Landis, do I come down to the strip club where you work and knock the dick out of your mouth? Against the wall. You're late.
Larry: I'm gonna shove that BlackBerry up where it's gonna be a BrownBerry.
Flynn Carsen: Charlene, how big is the Library?
Charlene: As big as we need it to be.
Jerry: [Talking about The Lion King] It's deeply deep. 'Cause the uncle kills the nephew's father.
Old Lady: Which is his brother.
Jerry: That's his brother. He kills his own brother, right? That's some heavy Shapeskearean shit.
Mike: [laughs]
Jerry: What's funny?
Mike: Shape...nothing.