Mollie: Grandpa, what's going on?
Grandpa: Look, I'm a hostage.
Burly Orderly: He's not a hostage. He's a mean old bastard! You see what he did to my arm? And he gave the nurse a black eye.
Harry Burns: How long do you like to be held after sex? All night, right? See, that's your problem. Somewhere between 30 seconds and all night is your problem.
Sally Albright: I don't have a problem.
Harry Burns: Yes, you do.
[Woman checks the back pockets of Wally's pants for the coin.]
Wally: I don't know what you're looking for, but it's a little to the right.
Louis Creed: My father used to have a saying, Jud. God sees the truth... But waits.
Rudd: Now we DO have a serious diplomatic situation here, which I will be taking up with your state department first thing in the morning.
Riggs: Whoa, you got me quakin' in my boots, but I'm still gonna bring you down.
Rudd: My dear officer, you could not even give me a parking ticket!
Kurt Sloane: Watch your wallet.
Eric Sloane: She doesn't want my wallet. She wants to make it with the champ.
Graham: I remember reading somewhere that men learn to love the person that they're attracted to, and that women become more and more attracted to the person that they love.
Larry Wilson: What kind of a host invites you to his house for the weekend and dies on you?
Vince: You've got only one life to live. You can either make it chickenshit or chicken salad.
Bud Brigman: The guy is on his own, he's cut off from his chain of command, he's showing signs of pressure-induced psychosis, and he has a nuclear weapon. So as a personal favour to me, could you put your tongue in neutral for a while?!
John Keating: There's a time for daring and there's a time for caution, and a wise man understands which is called for.
Hamilton "Ham" Johnson: So tragic when this happens to somebody so young and healthy. Was she feeling all right last night?
Fletch: She felt great to me.
Helen: It sounds like a boy Garry's age needs a man around the house.
Tod: Well, it depends on the man. I had a man around. He used to wake me up every morning by flicking lit cigarettes at my head. He'd say, "Hey, asshole, get up and make me breakfast." You know, Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, or drive a car. Hell, you need a license to catch a fish! But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father.
Terry Silver: A man can't stand, he can't fight.
Boyfriend: Stay away from her.
Jake Taylor: Suck my dick.
Nick Conklin: Now, you got a counterfeiting ring goin' on and you should talk to your partner before you go to the suits. So fuck you very much.
Captain Meissner: Convict... two things. One - I am Meissner. Two - Never fuck with Meissner. Inside.