Kate: Are you going to walk me home? Or should I just get murdered on my own?
Bill Roberts: I'm just crazy about this store.
Brian Kelly: I don't know what's worse: getting blown up in nuclear war or having a 7-11 on every corner.
Alexandra Page: I didn't even read the questions, I just took a number 2 pencil and filled in the bubbles as fast as I could.
Christopher Wooden: What did you put for sex?
Alexandra Page: Occasionally.
Warthog: This is a lovely golf course, I'm tempted to join the club meself.
Bletch: No chance of that I'm afraid, Cedric.
Warthog: You mean they discriminate against Scots?
Bletch: No, they just don't want assholes in the clubhouse.
Felix Leiter: Where's my wife?
Dario: Don't worry. We gave her a nice Honeymooooon.
Dr. Rachel Woodruff: And now, now I just wonder about some of these brilliant doctors of mine, you know, with their minds for medicine and their hearts for, what, real estate. You know, I wonder what they'd say to some lonely terrified patient, who grabs their hand and says, "Can you explain this to me? Can you help me accept this? Can you at least sit with me so I don't feel so alone?" Well, I bet they don't say anything because I didn't teach them to.
Gen. MacArthur: History is written by unusual men. Some who even become kings, and some who make no more mark than that of a stone thrown into an ocean. What we have here... Well, we just don't know, do we?
Bill Smith: The first rule is: Never sleep with anyone who's crazier than you are. I don't know if you're crazier, but you're right up there on the top 10 of my weird list, lady.
Louise Baltimore: If you knew me better, I'd be number one.
Hughie Warriner: Don't you believe me?
Suzette du Toit: I thought the idea was to give them their own homelands, let them live with their own kind.
Putnam: All right, I'm looking for a couple of kids. This one's a mental case, have you seen them?
Pinball Teen: Does he dress like you?
Putnam: No.
Pinball Teen: Then he can't be too much of a case, all right?
Maxwell Smart: Because at this very moment, this warehouse is being surrounded by one hundred cops with Doberman pinschers. Would you believe it? A hundred cops with Doberman pinschers.
Nicholas Dimente: I find that hard to believe.
Maxwell Smart: Would you believe ten security guards and a bloodhound?
Nicholas Dimente: I don't think so.
Maxwell Smart: How about a Boy Scout with rabies?
Col. Jason Grant: Oh, Christ. That's what we are - spare parts.
Meserve: Brownie, look into my fuckin' eyes I'm gonna hypnotize you. YOU'RE fine.
Cpl. Brown: I knew it man, I knew it.
Mikey: So how many cases can we get?
Spitz: Three cases. Any more and I think old Mr. Casy would-ah-know something's up, but we gotta get going, shift changes pretty soon. You gonna pull around back or should we both get busted out front?
Amos Reed: Let him go, Hooch! I'm sorry, Scott. I don't have the hand-strength I used to. You're OK, aren't you?
Scott Turner: Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I was looking forward to a nice quiet cup of coffee, but NOW I'M awake.