Meserve: You probably like the army, don't you, Eriksson?
Eriksson: This ain't the army. This ain't the army, Sarge.
Brian Kelly: I don't know what's worse: getting blown up in nuclear war or having a 7-11 on every corner.
Snyder: I did everything by the book, I followed my orders.
Dr. Diane Norris: Get my kit.
Police Chief Spiro T. Edsel: Use unnecessary force, if necessary.
Halley Reed: I wanted to give you this letter back.
Clifford Stern: It's my one love letter.
Halley Reed: It's beautiful. I'm just the wrong person.
Clifford Stern: It's probably just as well. I plagiarized most of it from James Joyce. You probably wondered why all the references to Dublin.
Kate: Are you going to walk me home? Or should I just get murdered on my own?
Wool Cap: Do you wanna play fucking games? Will play some fucking games.
Bill Smith: The first rule is: Never sleep with anyone who's crazier than you are. I don't know if you're crazier, but you're right up there on the top 10 of my weird list, lady.
Louise Baltimore: If you knew me better, I'd be number one.
Alexandra Page: I didn't even read the questions, I just took a number 2 pencil and filled in the bubbles as fast as I could.
Christopher Wooden: What did you put for sex?
Alexandra Page: Occasionally.
Boolie Werthan: You're a doodle, Mama.
Felix Leiter: Where's my wife?
Dario: Don't worry. We gave her a nice Honeymooooon.
Hughie Warriner: Don't you believe me?
King Henry V: If little faults proceeding on distemper shall not be winked at, how shall we stretch our eye, when capital crimes, chewed, swallowed and digested appear before us?
Putnam: All right, I'm looking for a couple of kids. This one's a mental case, have you seen them?
Pinball Teen: Does he dress like you?
Putnam: No.
Pinball Teen: Then he can't be too much of a case, all right?
Trevor: I've heard better singing from a mongoose with throat cancer.
Det. Frank Keller: Come the wet ass hour, I'm EVERYBODY'S daddy.
Col. Jason Grant: Oh, Christ. That's what we are - spare parts.
Maxwell Smart: Because at this very moment, this warehouse is being surrounded by one hundred cops with Doberman pinschers. Would you believe it? A hundred cops with Doberman pinschers.
Nicholas Dimente: I find that hard to believe.
Maxwell Smart: Would you believe ten security guards and a bloodhound?
Nicholas Dimente: I don't think so.
Maxwell Smart: How about a Boy Scout with rabies?