Aaron Wiseberger: I went to community college, and that was only because my grandma was sleeping with the dean.
The Kid: Are you hitting on my sister?
Cam Brady: My heart is pounding. Like a phone book in a dryer.
Suzy: I think you've still got lightning in you.
Carlos: They shot my motherfucking maid.
Renate Richter: Please do me a favor: Play a Nazi.
James Washington: And if I don't?
Renate Richter: They will eliminate you.
James Washington: Oh great.
Mr. Rzykruski: Back home, everyone is scientist. Even my plumber wins Nobel Prize. Your country does not make enough scientist. Always needs more. You should be a scientist, Victor.
Spag Union Math Boy: I used to play a lot of video games, I was playing all the time. Sometimes two hours a day.
Archie: Damn, baby. Feel like you're playing piano on my dick, like you're playing Mozart.
Aubrey Miller: Your balls are vibrating.
Vlad Chocool: I am the undead. Alright? The undead, you-you're not dead, but you're not exactly living either. It's sorta like being in summer school.
Joyce Brewster: You want me to go to one of Gayle's miserable singles event? That's what you want? You want me whoring myself out? Put on a thong?
Andrew Brewster: I'm going to sleep now, Ma.
Barry: That's the one thing you don't do. You don't tell her you took Viagra. I'm pretty sure that's on the warning label.
Lula: We got the whole good cop/bad cop thing going on; except we're hookers.
Jean: Are you telling me to go out and smell the roses?
Cissy Robson: Oh no. We're telling you the roses are long gone. But the chrysanthemums are magnificent.
Jacky Bonnot: I can make it beef bourguignon?
Nurse: In two, three years.
Jacky Bonnot: Why is it taking so long?
Nurse: It's a baby.
The Major: Perhaps, sir, since out little caper is far from over, perhaps we should consider removing the cartilage.
Harry Deane: Don't be an ass, man. I'm hardly likely to be hit in the face a third time.
The Major: Uh, that was the third time, sir.
Harry Deane: This isn't a math class.
Curtis: Here. You want to take that one down to the basement, dude? I'm coming with you. Let's go.
Finn: [Hearing the statement Alexis made earlier] "People get really good deals if they find, like, a dead body in the basement". The basement level in Dragons and Warriors is a prison filled with ghosts.
Curtis: Yeah, well, the basement in a real life is just a basement. You can do it. (00:07:56)
Doc: I can't do what I said I would do. Mercy is a one-saying, mercy.
Claphands: Finish this.