Best comedy movie quotes of 2012

Mike: Feelings are like kids. You don't want them driving the car, but you don't want to stuff them in the trunk, either.

Steve Stifler: Ladies, you'd better be working hard - you weren't hired for your looks. Actually you were. Not you.

Cedric: Mike, how old is your mom?
Michael: What?
Cedric: I'm not saying it like that. No, I am. I am. It's like that. Ms. Loretta, I'm ready for the rest of the tour.

Zibby: How can you hate something if you've never read it? I mean, isn't that like what repressive regimes do? You want to burn books you don't like?

Marcy: It just doesn't fit the HBO brand. We do violence and heartache but it's sexy. Do you understand?
Linda: Of course, what was I thinking? I mean you know what we could do? We could throw in some vampires in there to have sex with the penguins, and then you could have brooding sexy little vampire penguins. Would that work for your brand? What if the polar bears were hookers and on meth and then just show their tits for no reason? How would that work?
Marcy: I think you're joking, but if you could do that that would be very interesting for us.

Zoey: This is my store. This is a free earth collective. We are a vegan, feminist, non-profit cooperative operating within an anti-racist, anti-oppressive framework for people of all or no genders.

Clint Perrkins: Hey, give me that shovel. Boy, you look like a monkey fucking a football.

Timothy Green: Please don't ask about my leaves.

Wendy: I just wanted the glow. The one that they promise you on the cover of those magazines. Well, I'm calling it - pregnancy sucks. Making a human being is really hard. I have no control over my body or my emotions.

Dave: I was adopted. I never knew my real dad. You could be my dad for all I know. Are you my dad?

Bob: Singing was their hobby. Closing ass was their job.

Artie Decker: I'm awkward around those kids. I don't think they like me.

Frank: Why are you wearing a space helmet?
Robot: Frank, we need to leave.

Calvin Weir-Fields: I have you. I don't need anyone else.
Ruby Sparks: That's a lot of pressure.

Marty Streb: If you're gonna lose, then I'm gonna help you lose. Deal?
Scott Voss: Deal. Let's do this. Let's lose.

Brighton: Snow White is dead. One of God's great mysteries is his plan for each and every one of us...
The Queen: Speed it up.
Brighton: Snow White lived, she died, God rest her soul, Amen. There will be a buffet lunch served at two.

Chris: If the caravan's rockin', don't come a-knockin'.

Trish: Don't choose the better man, choose the man who makes you a better woman.

Penny: I did ruin your life.
Dodge: No you didn't. I had a really long head start.

Katie: Oh, do you believe in magic?
Joe: Yes, I do. That's abso... yes.
Katie: Do you believe in a magic vagina?
Joe: A magic vagina?
Katie: It would bewitch you with its magic.
Joe: I've been bewitched by vaginas before. It's scary, actually.