Best comedy movie quotes of 2012

Cam Brady: My heart is pounding. Like a phone book in a dryer.

Armando: Let him die. He's missing a hand anyway.

Carlos: They shot my motherfucking maid.

Mike Martingano: I have, like, $13,000 saved.
Paige: Wow. That's a lot of ones.
Mike Martingano: There are some fives in there.
Paige: Oh, ok. No twenties?
Mike Martingano: Oh, you don't wanna know what I have to do for twenties.

Mr. Rzykruski: Back home, everyone is scientist. Even my plumber wins Nobel Prize. Your country does not make enough scientist. Always needs more. You should be a scientist, Victor.

James Washington: Remember me? The moon spook you turned into a snowflake?

Vlad Chocool: I am the undead. Alright? The undead, you-you're not dead, but you're not exactly living either. It's sorta like being in summer school.

Philip: What are you trained as?
Ida: Trained as? I'm not a dog.

John: Baby, just tell me what the hell happened?
Alice: I fell down the stairs.
John: We don't have stairs.

Lorna: God damn it, Dale! All that man ever do is create a mess.

Lula: We got the whole good cop/bad cop thing going on; except we're hookers.