
Omar Siddiqui: So your first magic trick was the raining coins?
Ethan Mascarenhas: No. The smile on my mama's face, that was my first magic trick.

Dan Sanders: Miley Cyrus.

Bruce Pearson: Freddie, stop listening to music made by poofs. Stick on some Elton John.

Kara: It's so beautiful here. Not like that other city where Grumpy Ass lives.
Clark Kent: Grumpy Ass isn't so bad once you get to know him.

Jordan: See you're not allowed to do more than one thing which is why a polymath such as myself prefers to do nothing.

Jack Abramoff: Washington is like Hollywood, but with uglier faces.

Louis Ives: You have a strange power over people, Henry.
Henry Harrison: It's my constant disapproval. Some find it fatherly.

Paul Hodges: Why did you smack me?
Jimmy Monroe: I was in the moment, and the moment said smack ya.

Glen McCreavy: Why does the asshole always get the girl?

Alan Frog: Holy shit! It's the attack of Grandpa Munster.