Hot Tub Time Machine (2010)

Adam: I vowed to master the chaos.
April: You have to embrace the chaos. You have to, that way life might just astonish you.

April: What happened to your...
Adam: I got stabbed in the face with a fork, I saw it coming, I avoided it, I didn't avoid it, it happened to me in a different way.

Lou: If I wanted to kill myself, I'd fucking kill myself. I'd be awesome at it. A shotgun to the dick.

Lou: Why don't you shut your slut mouth, and mind your own fucking business?

Adam: One little change has a ripple effect and it effects everything else. Like a butterfly floats its wings and Tokyo explodes or there's a tsunami, in like, you know, somewhere.
Jacob: Yes exactly. You step on the bug and the fucking internet is never invented.
Lou: Oh then you'll have to talk to girls with your mouth.
Jacob: Yeah. No. I was more concerned about bigger consequences like not being born.
Lou: Yeah. No. I don't care about that.

Jacob: I have some Ativan, but it's different.
Lou: Well, let's stick it up our asses!
Jacob: It's not a suppository!
Lou: It doesn't matter. You crush it up, put it in a paper towel, run it under some warm water, and you stick it right up your ass. That works!

Lou: It's the fucking 80's guys. Let's do what we want to do. Free Love!
Jacob: That was the 60's dipshit.
Adam: We had like Reagan and AIDS.

Jacob: I'm kinda right in the middle of a thing right now, but can I text you later?
Girl at Club: Can you what?
Jacob: Are you online at all?
Girl at Club: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Jacob: How do I get a hold of you?
Girl at Club: You come find me.
Jacob: That sounds... Exhausting.

Lou: God. Relax. It's like you've haven't seen a little cum on your friend's face before.

Lou: Here's a question. Was it morally wrong for me to exploit my knowledge of the future for personal financial gain? Perhaps. Here's another question. Do I give a fuck?

Jacob: This is scientifically possible!
Nick: Tell us how it's scientifically possible, Professor Hawking.
Jacob: I will, 'cause I write Stargate fan fiction; this is my bread and butter, man!
Nick: Oh my God, I seriously almost passed out you're such a dork.

Jacob: Do I really gotta be the asshole who says we got in this thing and went back in time?

Jacob: I've dated a lot of girls, hot ones.
Lou: You've dated a lot of guys, gay ones.