Dr. Parnassus: Percy, what would I do without you?
Percy: Get a midget.
Blanche Gunderson: And that's okay? It's okay to pull the rug out from under folks as long as it's nobody that you know? It's okay because we're just silly podunk Minnesotans, right? We talk funny and we ice-fish and we scrapbook and we drag Jesus into regular conversation. We're not cool like you, right? So we don't matter.
Kate Fitzgerald: Do I look pretty, Daddy?
Phillip Morris: Enough romance. Let's fuck.
Larry Daley: This is the Smithsonian! This is the big leagues!
Ellie: Megan's alive, you guys.
Jessica: Ellie, you're being borderline retarded right now.
Akbar: They don't know what they want. They only know what they've had.
Jane: I like a lot of semen, always have.
Clerk: [slides card.] Declined.
Rebecca Bloomwood: Can you try again?
Clerk: [slides it again.] Really declined.
Allan Baxter: This is unacceptable. I want that commander on report.
US Sub Captain: That commander just saved your ass.
Allan Baxter: Should have done so in a more timely manner.
Charlie Nash: His name's Bison. I've tracked him through eleven major cities on four continents and never come close, not once. This guy walks through the raindrops. Anybody that's against him is either dead, or on their way.
Denis Cooverman: I'm sorry I'm so pathetic.
Beth Cooper: Let me tell you something. All boys are pathetic.
Denis Cooverman: Well, then I apologize on behalf of all boys. And sorry for all the wars and stuff.
Beth Cooper: You're funny.
Kristin: Would you rather be dead or live the rest of your life without your soul mate?
Angus: What about this? What about this situation right here? Can't fuck your way out of this one, can you Mark?
Mr. James Dowd: Everything you're ashamed of, all the parts of yourself that you keep secret, everything you want to change about yourself - it's who you are. That's your power. Deny it and you're nothing.
Jennifer: You brought his insulin. I was gonna do it.
Sandino: Well, now you don't have to.
Jennifer: Why are you so nice to us?
Sandino: I don't understand that question.
Jennifer: You nice, why?
Sandino: Why not? You shold expect people to be nice to you. You shouldn't expect people to be mean.
Jennifer: Not in ths world.
Sandino: You get what you expect, right?
Jennifer: I guess.
Sandino: You do a great job with your brothers.
Jennifer: I'm all they got.
Barde: I once met man who told me... they eat their own God... Eat his flesh. Drink his blood. Abominable.