Cousin Bo: I wanna buzz your butt.
Pete Van Heuten: My friend here is a mobster. You may know that. You may not.
Nick Persons: Oh Damn! Boy Didn't you hear what I just said?
Lindsey Kingston: Ooh, you just swore.
Nick Persons: Your damn right I swore, that's about $400 dollars worth of damage to my new car.
Lindsey Kingston: That's twice! Now you have to put two dollars in the swear jar.
Ray Porter: Mirabelle Buttersfield moved from Vermont hoping to begin her life. And now she is stranded in the vast openness of LA. She keeps working to make connections, but the pile of near misses is starting to overwhelm her. What Mirabelle needs is an omniscient voice to illuminate and spotlight her and to inform everyone that this one has value, this one standing behind the counter in the glove department and to find her counterpart and bring him to her.
Rachel Keller: All I ever tried to do for him was the right thing. It only ever made things worse.
Max Rourke: Then it wasn't the right thing, was it?
Thorkel: The Celt says that Jesus Christ never sleeps, that he walks amongst us.
Beowulf: Oh, that's all we need, a god gone mad from lack of sleep.
Nicholas Yuleson: The clock just struck midnight at the pole. Christmas is officially over for you, Santa.
Santa Claus: You know, most people make the same mistake. The correct time at the pole is completely discretionary, because the poles are where all the time zones actually converge.
Mary "Mac" Mackenzie: He's scary, but educational.
Daltry Calhoun: Get high on grass! The legal kind.
Otis: Sssssmokin.
Amos Cadbury: Now wait a minute, you mean to tell me that that.
Sarah Leigh: I know it sounds crazy. Amos, I don't know how it happen. It's only thing that makes sense even if it is Twilight Zone kind of sense.
Amos Cadbury: The guy that... killed Jeremy and your daddy? That you helped send to the electric chair? Millard Findlemeyer? Has come back from the dead... to get revenge on you... inside a cookie?
Girl at Party: Your doing that babbling thing again.
Teddy Harwood: I think babbling is cool.
'Colonel' Tom Parker: Let's face it, son. The records aren't doing what they used to and the movie aren't doing much better.
Elvis Presley: That's probably because of all this material you keep shovin' down my throat, Colonel. Hell, you can't polish a turd.
Fred Jones: All right, gang, this is it. When the going gets tough, what do we do?
Shaggy: Bury our heads in the sand?
William Paley: I'm with you today Ed, and I'm with you tomorrow.
Isabelle Sorenson: You can't disappoint me, Because whatever you are is exactly what I want.
Tea Cake: Oh, Janie, you're the kind o' woman that'll make a man forget to grow old.