Great Aunt Adelaide: Incest.
Dave Spritz: People don't throw things at me any more. Maybe because I carry a bow around.
Einar Gilkyson: I expect you to be nice to who ever comes to my door.
Griff Gilkyson: Yes sir.
Einar Gilkyson: Unless it's some guy looking to sell his angle on God. There's no excuse for that bullshit.
Lorbeer: Big pharmaceuticals are right up there with the arms dealers.
Jake Green: The greatest enemy will hide in the last place you would ever look.
Stewie Griffin: Look, I really don't want to go to hell, but I can't stop my nature. I'm just a hateful person.
Brian Griffin: You're not hateful you just need to control your anger. Like I do.
Stewie Griffin: Oh, you mean by being sauced all day! Wait a minute! Of Course! That's it! If I'm drunk I'll be calm and if I'm calm I'll be nice, and if I'm nice then I won't go to hell. Fix me a highball I'm going to get good and tight.
Katherine: It's not unusual for a child to create an imaginary friend.
Buck Cluck: You gotta be ready to listen to your children, even if they have nothing to say.
Yuri Orlov: I'm a one-man genocide.
Jackie Price: How you doing?
Jack Starks: Better now.
Record Company Executive: Your fans are gospel folk, Johnny. They're Christians, and they don't wanna hear you singing to a bunch of murderers and rapists, tryin' to cheer 'em up.
Johnny Cash: Then they ain't Christians.
Walt: Oh my god, he is deranged!
Stitch: Stitch not bad. Stitch fluffy.
Nick Jones: Ugh, Dalton, did you crap your pants again?
Dalton Chapman: What? No! I don't know, maybe. I am wearing my work clothes.
Morris Buttermaker: Is that a baggy full of bacon?
Mike Engelberg: I'm on Atkins.
Big Betty: You call that dancing? Last time I danced like that I ended up with twins.
Red: What big ears you have.
The Wolf: All the better to hear your many criticisms.
Truman Capote: It's as if Perry and I grew up in the same house and one day he stood up and went out the back door while I went out the front.
Emily Barnes: If there's anything that I know, it's that love is infinite. You can always make more when you need it. And just because you wanna give some to somebody else, doesn't mean that you'll take any away from me.