Shanté Smith: Hmm, men. They like a woman in public...and a freak in private.
Joe Dirt: So, you're gonna tell me, that you don't have no black cats, no Roman candles, or screamin' mimis?
Kicking Wing: No.
Joe Dirt: Oh come on man. You don't got no lady fingers, buzz bottles, snicker bombs, church burners, finger blasters, gut busters, zip-a-dee-do-dahs, crap flappers?
Kicking Wing: No, I don't.
Joe Dirt: You're gonna stand there, owning a firework stand, and tell me you don't have no whistling bungholes, no spleen splitters, whisker biscuits, honker lighters, huskers dus, husker don'ts, cherry bombs, nipsy dazers, with or without the scooter stick, or one single whisking kitty chaser?
Mrs. Packard: Attention: tonight's supper will be baked beans; musical program to follow... Who wrote this?
Colonel Attar: Take your stinkin' hands off me, you damn dirty human.
Peter Appleton: I thought this was a democracy.
Leo Kubelsky: The Declaration of Independence, the Constitution, they're all just pieces of paper with signatures on them. And you know what a piece of paper with a signature is: a contract. Something that can be renegotiated at any time. Just so happens that the House un-American activities committee is renegotiating the contract this time around. Next time it will be somebody else, but it will always be somebody.
Dr. Alan Grant: What John Hammond and InGen did at Jurassic Park is create genetically engineered theme park monsters. Nothing more and nothing less.
Woman: Um, are you saying that you wouldn't wanna get onto Isla Sarnoa and study them if you had the chance?
Dr. Grant: No force on Earth or Heaven will get me on that island.
Frank: That Zerelda turned into a hell of a woman, eh?
Jesse James: Oh yeah.
Frank: "Big and older"?
Jesse James: You can shut up now, Frank.
Frank: You are a charmer.
Jesse James: I swear to god I will shoot you in your sleep.
Frank: Next time try "Fat and haggard".
Margot: I think we're just gonna to have to be secretly in love with each other and leave it at that.
Sharon Pogue: Then I realised that it doesn't have to be perfect. I mean, it can be whatever it is.
Slim: What are you, some kind of Astronaut?
Jimmy: No, I'm some kind of bubble boy.
Sam: I've been using since I was 12! You're also unbelievably stupid, you know that? You didn't give a shit about anything I did up until now.
George: Well, I'll apologize for everything but today! Today I give a shit.
Evan Funsch: Gabe, just so you know... If we kill him.
Gabriel Law: You have to kill me. Kill me! I don't care. As long as he's dead, I don't care.
Evan Funsch: If we kill him... There's a chance, some say, this whole universe will go with him.
Nelson Moss: Have you ever heard of Phalaenopsis Sunderiana? It reminded me of you.
Sara: You got the job, didn't you?
Nelson Moss: Best offer anyone ever made me.
Sara: So when do you start?
Nelson Moss: We had a little problem agreeing on that. He suggested immediately, I suggested... never.
Sara: Never?
Nelson Moss: Never.
Commisar Danilov: Do you know how to shoot?
Vassili Zaitsev: A little.
Commentator 1: I think he might be ambidextrous
Commentator 2: I don't know about that Bob, but he can definitely play with both feet.
Ray Coleman: I'm sick of you stalling me, Jack.
Geoff: After you start to feel thirsty, you find yourself feeling impatient, maybe even a little sick. And your pulse starts to go up, then there's the headaches, dizziness... when it gets bad, your vision will blur and you'll find it hard to walk and talk. Your tongue swells up, your skin shrivels, you twitch, you go deaf and then you die.