Enrico Pollini: Am I too late-a? Look I won a coin, a gold coin-a, isn't it wonderful? Look at this room, what a beautiful room, have you seen this room?
Randy Pear: Yes! We're IN it.
Jay: In this world gone mad, we will not spank the monkey, the monkey will spank us!
Jimmy: Is he gonna be cool?
Pinky: My motherfucker's so cool, when he goes to bed, sheep count him.
Trucky: You can't beat a ho with a belt... they like that shit.
Matt: Would you like a falafel with that?
Joe Dirt: So, you're gonna tell me, that you don't have no black cats, no Roman candles, or screamin' mimis?
Kicking Wing: No.
Joe Dirt: Oh come on man. You don't got no lady fingers, buzz bottles, snicker bombs, church burners, finger blasters, gut busters, zip-a-dee-do-dahs, crap flappers?
Kicking Wing: No, I don't.
Joe Dirt: You're gonna stand there, owning a firework stand, and tell me you don't have no whistling bungholes, no spleen splitters, whisker biscuits, honker lighters, huskers dus, husker don'ts, cherry bombs, nipsy dazers, with or without the scooter stick, or one single whisking kitty chaser?
Shanté Smith: Hmm, men. They like a woman in public...and a freak in private.
The Cat Lady: What the hell did you bring into my house?
Carmen Cortez: Spy work, that's easy. Keeping a family together, that's difficult. And that's the mission worth fighting for.
Paulie: Mouse, where is your father? Did I see you cry? Did you cry like a girl? Like a girly, girly girl? I've been crying, too, Mary B. I've been crying like a girly girl, sucky suck for weeks now! And it's time... it's time for the raptor... Are you with me? I hate my father! Say it, it's easy... come on... Say I hate MY father.
Daniel Balint: Just take a look at the last three most well-known Jews - Marx, Freud, and Einstein. What have they given us? Communism, infantile sexuality, and the atom bomb.
Oz: All right, here's a new idea for you, Stifler, okay? You find a girl. You two become best friends. And you don't bother counting how many times you have sex with each other. You just laugh at the people that do count.
Stifler: Here's a new idea for you. I'll get you a spoon so you can eat my ass.
Randall: If I don't see a door in my station in 5 seconds, I will personally put you through the shredder.
Jimmy Mitchelson: He wants to marry his sister.
Freddy: He better not come back.
Jimmy Mitchelson: Yeah, that's right, or we'll tie you to a tree, fuck you in the ass while we jerk you off. Show you what we really do to perverts around here.
Henry Denton: Who is it?
Lottie: Oh, I'm ever so sorry, sir.
Henry Denton: Sorry for what?
Lottie: I'm supposed to get the fire lit without waking you.
Henry Denton: Why does everyone treat me as if I were one of these stupid snobs? I spent half the week downstairs with all of you.
Lottie: You can't be on both teams at once, sir.
Prof. Dad Brody: Who do you think kidnapped us, Uraguay or Chad?
Elle: And last week I saw Cameron Diaz at Fred Segal, and I talked her out of buying this truly heinous angora sweater. Whoever said orange was the new pink was seriously disturbed.