Leigh Ann Watson: It's completely factual, she was burned at the stake.
Mrs. Tingle: Always the victim, aren't we, Ms. Watson?
Leigh Ann Watson: Well there are certain similarities between society today and seventeenth century Salem. I guess that would be the irony of it all.
Mrs. Tingle: Irony is the opposite of what is or might be expected. For example, if Ms. Watson was expecting an A on her history project, she might find the actual result to be rather ironic.
Penny: Having another hero cop dream, Uncle John?
Officer John Brown: Every time I close my eyes.
Adele: You never were a small-town girl.
Ann: Thanks for knowing that, Mom.
Mrs. Shah: I will never allow my daughters to marry into this jungly family of half-breeds.
Ella Khan: Well they may be half-bred, but at least they're not friggin' inbred like those two monstrosities.
Barbara Porter: Look, I know your grandpa's not great with you girls.
Melanie 'Mel' Porter: Mom, that's like saying the Titanic's not great with icebergs.
Roy O'Dell: Time for desperate measures. What about my daughter?
Jimmie: Absolutely not.
Roy O'Dell: Why not? She's not good enough for you?
Jimmie: She's fifteen.
Roy O'Dell: Well, it's pretty late in the game for you to be Mr. Choosy.
Elizabeth: I also enrolled her in a calligraphy class, an origami class. I even got her into that.
Dr. Johnson: She doesn't want to do those things. They don't interest her. They don't work for her.
Elizabeth: Maybe Carla doesn't know what works for her.
Dr. Johnson: And you do.
Elizabeth: I think so. I'm her mother.
Dr. Johnson: That's why she tried to hitchhike over 200 miles to get back here?
Wayne Wayne Wayne Jr.: The Light is green.
Maxine: Meet you in Malkovich in one hour.
Michael Felgate: Well at least tell me what his restaurant is called, then I can sneak in, in a beard or something.
Gina Vitale: It's called The La Trattoria.
Michael Felgate: You mean La Trattoria.
Gina Vitale: No.
Michael Felgate: The La Trattoria means The The Trattoria.
Gina Vitale: I know.
Michael Felgate: Interesting. Look I have to go to the La Bathroom, and I'll be back in a sec.
Charlie Boyle aka Chaz Anthony: I have to watch my sister.
Claire Addison: I thought you were an only child?
Charlie Boyle aka Chaz Anthony: I am. Sister... Mary Catherine... she's a nun... and an invalid.
Kit: White boys always get the Oscar. It's a known fact. Did I ever get a nomination? No! You know why? Cause I hadn't played any of them slave roles, and get my ass whipped. That's how you get the nomination. A black dude who plays a slave that gets his ass whipped gets the nomination, a white guy who plays an idiot gets the Oscar. That's what I need, I need to play a retarded slave, then I'll get the Oscar.
Larry Mann: Well, I'll be a son of a bitch! I don't smoke, you quit drinking, Bob here wouldn't even dream of lusting after a woman... between the three of us, we're practically Jesus.
Voice of the Announcer: Meanwhile, back at Snidely's not-so-secret hideout.
Colleen Douglas: Look at that one there. I think that she's had a boob job.
Terry Macey: Oh, come on. She's too young for a boob job.
Colleen Douglas: They do that at birth now, what are you talking about?
Eddie: What shall we call our son so he does not get the shit kicked out of him at school? We shall call him Englebert Humperdinck! Yes, that'll work.
Bottom the Weaver: Since lion vile hath here deflowered my dear.
Peter Quince: Devoured.
Miss Constance Scattergoods: I do think, dear, that, whenever I get the urge to exercise, I lie down until it passes over.
