Best comedy movie quotes of 1999

Anna Scott: I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.

Pnub: Don't you watch the news?
Anton: I hate that fucking show.

The Shoveller: God's given me a gift. I shovel well. I shovel very well.

Emmet Ray: I didn't ask your opinion. I'm just telling ya how it's gonna go.

Coleye: This is similar to the Martian incident of 1963.
Armitan: Careful, stupid. Not only is that incident classified, it never happened.

Richard Twat: Ah! Good evening, Miss Carbonara.
Gina Carbonara: Good evening, Mr. Twat.
Richard Twat: It's cunt.

Sonny: I know this is the right thing because I would die for this kid just so he won't feel one ounce of sadness. That's why you're here right now, to protect me, to be scared for me to be a good father. And that's exactly what I'm gonna be.

T.J. Hicks: You know, Antoine's got a really bad temper. One time, I dropped a cigar ash on his carpet, and he made me pick it up with my anus.

Hawk: Only a car full of Stellas and Guidos would ride your ass on a 2-lane highway and honk.

Henry: The cops are around, we gotta lay low for a while... wow, I never thought I'd say that.

Val Resnick: The problem with kicking a Chow's ass is an hour later you wanna do it again.

Ed Singer: They are coming to Earth, aren't they?
Gonzo: I don't know.
Ed Singer: How many of them are there?
Gonzo: I don't know.
Ed Singer: When will they be here? And don't you dare tell me that you don't know.
Gonzo: I know not?

Betsy Jobs: You kicked Checkers, you're prejudiced and you have a potty mouth.

Gilbert: Every theatrical performance is a contrivance by its very nature.
Sullivan: Yes, but this piece consists entirely of an artificial and implausible situation.
Gilbert: If you wish to write a Grand Opera about a prostitute, dying of consumption in a garret, I suggest you contact Mr Ibsen in Oslo. I am sure he will be able to furnish you with something suitably dull.

Leo Morton: Ed, can you take that Delta?
Ed Clabes: No, I can't take the Delta, my airspace is finite.
Barry Plotkin: Uh-oh, Ed's going down the drain.
Ed Clabes: I am not going down the drain.
Barry Plotkin: Oh yes you are. It happens every time you use the term "finite."

Stan: Love is just lust in disguise, and lust fades, so you damn well better be with someone who can stand you.

Mary Katherine Gallagher: Oh look at you, my pretty little girl, sitting there with your face all painted up in your little halter top, you're nothing but a little slut.
Mary Katherine Gallagher: Don't call me that! I'm a Puerto Rican lady senor.
Mary Katherine Gallagher: You're nothing but a little slut, Sybill Ann Dorsett, we know you're a little slut.
Mary Katherine Gallagher: I'm not a slut. I'm not a slut. I'm not a slut. I'm not a slut. I'M no slut.

Troy: I love sushi.
Adam: I love Lucy.
Troy: Who doesn't? She's hilarious.

Miles Logan: Hey, this is the police. Move your busted-ass vehicle. Move, move, move, move. This is the LAPD. We'll pop one in your ass. We got guns and shit.

Peggy: Have you heard my husband's morning show?"Wake Up With Flem?"