Best comedy movie quotes of 1999

Capt. James West: Never drum on a white lady's boobies at a big redneck dance. Got it.

Maggie Carpenter: A girl can't get married in flannel.

Rob Geller: See ya around the Cell Block, Mrs. Robinson.

Pnub: Don't you watch the news?
Anton: I hate that fucking show.

Sarah Lewis: I don't deserve heaven.
Ben Holmes: Oh Sarah, you deserve so much more than you think you do.

Courtney: I have this gift. I can smell a lie.

Sly: They've got Whit.
Dan: Who's got Whit? Wait, you're Whit.

Emmet Ray: I didn't ask your opinion. I'm just telling ya how it's gonna go.

The Shoveller: God's given me a gift. I shovel well. I shovel very well.

Richard Twat: Ah! Good evening, Miss Carbonara.
Gina Carbonara: Good evening, Mr. Twat.
Richard Twat: It's cunt.

Coleye: This is similar to the Martian incident of 1963.
Armitan: Careful, stupid. Not only is that incident classified, it never happened.

T.J. Hicks: You know, Antoine's got a really bad temper. One time, I dropped a cigar ash on his carpet, and he made me pick it up with my anus.

Sonny: I know this is the right thing because I would die for this kid just so he won't feel one ounce of sadness. That's why you're here right now, to protect me, to be scared for me to be a good father. And that's exactly what I'm gonna be.

Henry: The cops are around, we gotta lay low for a while... wow, I never thought I'd say that.

Adam: Manners are a way of showing other people we care about them.

Ed Singer: They are coming to Earth, aren't they?
Gonzo: I don't know.
Ed Singer: How many of them are there?
Gonzo: I don't know.
Ed Singer: When will they be here? And don't you dare tell me that you don't know.
Gonzo: I know not?

Hawk: Only a car full of Stellas and Guidos would ride your ass on a 2-lane highway and honk.

Betsy Jobs: You kicked Checkers, you're prejudiced and you have a potty mouth.

Val Resnick: The problem with kicking a Chow's ass is an hour later you wanna do it again.

Gilbert: Every theatrical performance is a contrivance by its very nature.
Sullivan: Yes, but this piece consists entirely of an artificial and implausible situation.
Gilbert: If you wish to write a Grand Opera about a prostitute, dying of consumption in a garret, I suggest you contact Mr Ibsen in Oslo. I am sure he will be able to furnish you with something suitably dull.