Alexia: Pop a Midol, who said anything about being late?.
Marsha Dwiggins: Where will he go?
Dr. Jerry Woolridge: I think he's going back to Millsburg.
Marsha Dwiggins: Will he be supervised?
Dr. Jerry Woolridge: About as much as everyone else, I guess.
Bud: 'Scuse me miss. Are you tired?
Mimi: What?
Bud: Are you tired?
Mimi: No. Why?
Bud: 'Cause you've been running through my mind all day.
Malcolm Moldowsky: I am the Congressman's right hand.
Erin Grant: You must be a very busy man.
Louis: Men love to hate. It's what separates us from the females of the spieces. It's the natural law in Wild America.
Hamlet: Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio - a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy. He hath bore me on his back a thousand times, and now how abhorred in my imagination it is! My gorge rises at it. Here hung these lips that I have kissed I know not how oft. Where be your gibes now? Your gambols? Your songs? Your flashes of merriment that were won't to set the table on a roar?
Henry Geldzahler: He used to, Nixon used to have a room at the Waldorf Astoria, but then he moved to Saddle River, New Jersey.
Jack Milo: Saddle River's in New York.
Andy Warhol: I think it's in New Jersey.
Jack Milo: New York.
Andy Warhol: It's... it's in New Jersey.
Jack Milo: Saddle River's in New York.
Bill Clinton: In recognition of your great service, I'm appointing you honorary agents in the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms.
Butt-head: Whoa. Alcohol and tobacco?
Beavis: Yeah. And firearms! Yeah.
Bill Clinton: Cool, huh?
Butt-head: Cigarettes and beer kick ass.
Beavis: Yeah, yeah. We're in the bureau of beer and fire and cigarettes. And maybe some chicks, too.
Abby: We can love our pets, we just can't love our pets.
Rita Faldes: I'm proud of my geekdom, God dammit.
Tony Two Toes: We're from the local 129th, sonny.
Mikey: We heard you was loading a ship without the assistance of bonefide union labor. Say it ain't so.
Aladdin: Well, they have no where to go. We got them trapped.
Iago: We? They are 40 thieves! We are you, a rug, a monkey and me. Wait, don't count me.
Laura Lizzie: Oh God look, there is a pubic hair in my brush. Oh no wait, wait. That's just one of Rochelle's little nappy hairs.
Rochelle: Why are you doing this to me, Laura? Do you think you're funny?
Laura Lizzie: You really wanna know why?
Rochelle: Yes, I really wanna know why.
Laura Lizzie: Because I don't like negroids.
Dammers: Sheriff! You are violating my territorial bubble.
Billy Halleck: What are you trying to do to me?
Heidi Halleck: What you wanted me to do in the back seat of your daddy's car. Prove my love to you.
Narrator: Remember this... even the most impossible parts of this story really happened.
John Finnegan: I will fuck you up if you fuck with me, ok? I know three kinds of Karate: Jujitsu, Aikido, and regular Karate.
Mickey Fitzpatrick: Why are you getting so upset Dad? You don't even believe in God.
Mr. Fitzpatrick: That doesn't mean I'm going to stop being a good Catholic.
Soames: The problem with the Irish is that they'll sing at the drop of a hat, but ask them to talk and they won't.
Chance: Jamie? Is that you? Wait, what am I talking about? Of course, it's you! It's really you! I found you! I found my boy! I found my Jamie! Oh, I'm so happy! Oh, I could just lick you for days! Give me a hug.