Maddy: If I told you that I loved you, would you take it the wrong way?
Legs: I'll take it however you want me to.
John Finnegan: I will fuck you up if you fuck with me, ok? I know three kinds of Karate: Jujitsu, Aikido, and regular Karate.
Aladdin: Well, they have no where to go. We got them trapped.
Iago: We? They are 40 thieves! We are you, a rug, a monkey and me. Wait, don't count me.
Governor Tracy: Now you'll have to tell me your name so I know who to make the check out to.
Clyde: My best friends call me Cash.
Chance: Jamie? Is that you? Wait, what am I talking about? Of course, it's you! It's really you! I found you! I found my boy! I found my Jamie! Oh, I'm so happy! Oh, I could just lick you for days! Give me a hug.
Billy Halleck: What are you trying to do to me?
Heidi Halleck: What you wanted me to do in the back seat of your daddy's car. Prove my love to you.
Laura Lizzie: Oh God look, there is a pubic hair in my brush. Oh no wait, wait. That's just one of Rochelle's little nappy hairs.
Rochelle: Why are you doing this to me, Laura? Do you think you're funny?
Laura Lizzie: You really wanna know why?
Rochelle: Yes, I really wanna know why.
Laura Lizzie: Because I don't like negroids.
Lewis Farrell: They'll last longer if you put a little 7-Up in the water. Yeah, I know it sounds weird, but, it works.
Mickey Fitzpatrick: Why are you getting so upset Dad? You don't even believe in God.
Mr. Fitzpatrick: That doesn't mean I'm going to stop being a good Catholic.
Narrator: Remember this... even the most impossible parts of this story really happened.
Tony Two Toes: We're from the local 129th, sonny.
Mikey: We heard you was loading a ship without the assistance of bonefide union labor. Say it ain't so.
Soames: The problem with the Irish is that they'll sing at the drop of a hat, but ask them to talk and they won't.
Dammers: Sheriff! You are violating my territorial bubble.
Hamlet: Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio - a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy. He hath bore me on his back a thousand times, and now how abhorred in my imagination it is! My gorge rises at it. Here hung these lips that I have kissed I know not how oft. Where be your gibes now? Your gambols? Your songs? Your flashes of merriment that were won't to set the table on a roar?
Ralph Roach: We know where you live. We live where you live.
Lt. Jack Cole: Listen, um, I want you to deliver a message for me. You tell your asshole boss that nobody, nobody threatens me.
Donald Cunningham: I understand. I'll convey your feelings to Mr. Deverell.
Lt. Jack Cole: Now get your ugly white ass outta here and don't come back.
Sgt. Bilko: It's the odometer Wally, it says 12,000 miles and it should say 11,000 miles. Tony here drove it to Lake Tahoe over the weekend to go to his grandmother's funeral.
Walter Holbrook: Oh, I'm sorry, Tony.
Sgt. Bilko: When I say "go to his grandmother's funeral", I mean visit his niece. And when I say "niece", I mean lady friend. Look. I'm winking. Look at my eye.
The Doctor: Grace, I came back to life. I held back death. Look, I can't make your dream come true forever, but I can make it come true today..
Grace Winterbourne: How did I ever raise such a snob?
Bill Winterbourne: It's a mystery Mother... let's ask the servants.