The Truth About Cats And Dogs (1996)

Abby: We can love our pets, we just can't love our pets.

Noelle: Her cheese balls make excellent Christmas gifts.

Noelle: You and I combined make the perfect woman.
Dr. Abby Barnes: No. You and I combined make the perfect political prisoner. What we really do well is act self-righteous and starve.

Noelle: You mean you want me to shove my finger up that turtle's ass?

Abby: OK. So say you meet one of these no sparks women, and you really take the time to get to know her and then you become intellectually stimulated by her. You just really enjoy her personality, thereby igniting all your lust and passion. Have you ever thought about that?
Brian: Are you going to eat that?

Noelle: Maybe it was all the cake he fed me.
Dr. Abby Barnes: What is that, the twinkie defense?

Abby: You forgot to say I love you because you're beautiful.
Brian: No, I didn't. I mean, she is. But that's not why I love her.

Cosmetics Saleslady: We also have this new face cream which neutralizes the free radicals that attack the skin. Let me ask you: what's your skin regime?
Dr. Abby Barnes: My regime? The regime from which the radicals are trying to get free? Are we selling face cream or staging a coup?

Noelle: Besides, he has this small personal habit that just drives me crazy.
Abby: What's that?
Noelle: He loves you.

Dr. Abby Barnes: If you were trapped in Biosphere 2 for three years, who would you bring: Time Magazine's Woman of the Year or Playboy's Playmate of the Year?

Brian: You're dumb and beautiful, and you're smart and - I gotta go.
Dr. Abby Barnes: Brian! Oh.

Dr. Abby Barnes: How's it going?
Brian: Yeah, well, he snores, which was a problem, um, but we solved it.
Dr. Abby Barnes: How'd you do that?
Brian: Well, he slept on my face and I couldn't hear him any more.

Noelle: I don't eat anything so I can look good on the outside, but on the inside, there's nothing.

Brian: Who are you? What is this? Is this some kind of weird game you two play for kicks, you take some guy and see how much you can screw him up.
Abby: No, it was a mistake.

Abby: Did you call me?
Roy: What?
Abby: I heard dumb bitch. I assumed you were talking to me.
Roy: I was talking to her.
Abby: Your name is dumb bitch TOO? No wonder I keep getting all of your mail! You know, we could be related. There are a lot of us dumb bitches here in LA.

Abby: What are we discussing?
Brian: Well there's the issue of Hank, who's in a terrible state without you.

Noelle: Disappointment doesn't kill.
Dr. Abby Barnes: Right... rejection kills. Disappointment only maims.