The Secret of the Unicorn: Part 1 - S1-E3
Tintin: He looks exactly like you.
Captain Haddock: Yes, he is good looking.
Dennis 'Cutty' Wise: The game done changed.
Slim Charles: Game's the same, just got more fierce.
Episode #1.3 - S1-E3
Kate: You wouldn't have a problem if this was your daughter?
Jack: She's not my daughter!
Kate: She's someone's daughter.
Jack: Every woman I've ever had sex with was someone's daughter, it's never stopped me from playing daddy.
Kate: Urgh.
Jack: I think that might have come out wrong.
Kate: OK, if your daughter was a stripper.
Jack: Why is my daughter a stripper?!
Kate: Ah, so you would mind!
Jack: What if your son...was a rapist?
Kate: How is that relevant?!
Jack: You started it.
Kate: I want you to acknowledge how you'd feel if your daughter made her living by having men leering at her.
Jack: OK, how would you feel if your rapist son attacked my stripper daughter, threw acid in her face, she's disfigured for life, can't even work!
Kate: I wouldn't defend him.
Jack: Your own son?! Some mother you'd be.
Simon Holmes: Sometimes I wish we collected stamps for fun, instead of battling the forces of weirdness.
Betty Cooper: I'm not gonna ask what you did with Veronica at Cheryl's. I'm asking you now, right now, if you love me, Archie, or even like me?
Archie Andrews: Of course I love you, Betty. But I can't give you the answer you want.
Betty Cooper: Why?
Archie Andrews: You are so perfect. I've never been good enough for you. I'll never be good enough for you.
Harvey Leek: Nash, the most high-tech thing on this computer is the flying toaster screen saver.
Det. Supt. Peter Boyd: I'll have to have a word with you, please.
Jacqueline Wright: We're going to Longleat.
Det. Supt. Peter Boyd: I'm afraid the lions will have to wait.
Off. Tom Hanson #2: Without Jenko we're gonna be Charlie's Angels.
Michael: Whoever sent us down here was smart, you know? Because they sent us together, and as long as we stick together, we're gonna make it.
The Log Lady: My log saw something that night.
Tracy: Now that I've expressly told you I don't need your help... I need your help.
Ron Carter: In light of the severity of these crimes, we ask for remand, your honor.
Ms. O'Brien: In light of the weakness of their evidence, remand is absurd.
Ron Carver: The evidence past mustard with the grand jury.
Ms. O'Brien: Oh right, was my client indicted before or after the ham sandwich?
Narrator: Ready for a story about superheroes? Ugh, more TV superheroes. Just what the world needs. Be honest, have you hung yourselves yet? Or, what if I told you this was actually a story about super-zeroes? Losers. Achingly pathetic meta-human goose eggs. How about it? Ready to feel better about your own miserable lives for the next hour or so? Follow me. Our story begins, as such stories do, with a visit to a Nazi. I'm sorry. Cobbler.
Madeline Magellan: Enough with the pedanticism and let us eat.
Jonathan Creek: The word is pedantry.
Crypt Keeper: Heads, I win. Tails, you ooze.
Michelle: I thought you never lied.
Austin: I don't. It's just that sometimes I withhold the qualifiers.
Michelle: For somebody who says facts are all that count, Mr. Jimmy Austin, you're the most deceitful person I know.
Austin: I once determined that there are forty-nine different ways to misrepresent the truth. I only use six, way below the national average of thirty-two.
Artie Nelson: Y'know what the Talmud says? When someone's comin' to kill ya, get up early, kill 'em first.