Artie Nelson: Y'know what the Talmud says? When someone's comin' to kill ya, get up early, kill 'em first.
Crypt Keeper: Heads, I win. Tails, you ooze.
Narrator: Ready for a story about superheroes? Ugh, more TV superheroes. Just what the world needs. Be honest, have you hung yourselves yet? Or, what if I told you this was actually a story about super-zeroes? Losers. Achingly pathetic meta-human goose eggs. How about it? Ready to feel better about your own miserable lives for the next hour or so? Follow me. Our story begins, as such stories do, with a visit to a Nazi. I'm sorry. Cobbler.
Bobby Briggs: I got some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that your father has bought a condo in Flip City, and the good news is that he is about to win the Civil War.
Off. Tom Hanson #2: Without Jenko we're gonna be Charlie's Angels.
Sister Josepha Montefiore: "Father, why hast thou forsaken me?" Christ asked the same question.
Richard: Did he get an answer?
Sister Josepha Montefiore: Well, he wasn't a scientist so he knew that... some questions have none.
Justin: I'm reminded of the phrase "making a deal with the devil."
Tommy Dolan: Aw, come on. I'm not that bad.
Justin: No. You're not.
Dennis 'Cutty' Wise: The game done changed.
Slim Charles: Game's the same, just got more fierce.
Dr. Max Hudson: If I start to go crazy can you... take care of me?.. In the back of the head.
Diana Skouris: You won't even see it coming... Dr. Hudson?
Dr. Max Hudson: I just gave you permission to blow my head off. You can call me Max.
Detective Ray Velcoro: My powers of influence are so meager in this sublunar world of ours, I try to limit the people I can disappoint. And I make sure to know the difference between my obligations and somebody else's.
Betty Cooper: I'm not gonna ask what you did with Veronica at Cheryl's. I'm asking you now, right now, if you love me, Archie, or even like me?
Archie Andrews: Of course I love you, Betty. But I can't give you the answer you want.
Betty Cooper: Why?
Archie Andrews: You are so perfect. I've never been good enough for you. I'll never be good enough for you.
DS Ellie Miller: You don't eat fish and chips? What kind of Scot are you?
Episode #1.3 - S1-E3
Kate: You wouldn't have a problem if this was your daughter?
Jack: She's not my daughter!
Kate: She's someone's daughter.
Jack: Every woman I've ever had sex with was someone's daughter, it's never stopped me from playing daddy.
Kate: Urgh.
Jack: I think that might have come out wrong.
Kate: OK, if your daughter was a stripper.
Jack: Why is my daughter a stripper?!
Kate: Ah, so you would mind!
Jack: What if your son...was a rapist?
Kate: How is that relevant?!
Jack: You started it.
Kate: I want you to acknowledge how you'd feel if your daughter made her living by having men leering at her.
Jack: OK, how would you feel if your rapist son attacked my stripper daughter, threw acid in her face, she's disfigured for life, can't even work!
Kate: I wouldn't defend him.
Jack: Your own son?! Some mother you'd be.
Dr. Drakken: Oh look, it's Kim Possible and her friend.
Ron: Hello, I've got a name.
Dr. Drakken: Which I can never remember.
School Days - S1-E3
Max: When the moon is full, the tide is high.
Old Lady: You must want the spy school, that's next door.
Jack Hudson: Yes Miles, if you're right, you can say you told me so. And I know you will in that special way that makes us all love you so.
Harvey Leek: Nash, the most high-tech thing on this computer is the flying toaster screen saver.
Jack Malone: I was surprised that your father didn't call me about you.
Martin: I asked him to stay out of it. I don't want any preferential treatment.
Jack Malone: Good, 'cause you're not getting any.