Michelle: I thought you never lied.
Austin: I don't. It's just that sometimes I withhold the qualifiers.
Michelle: For somebody who says facts are all that count, Mr. Jimmy Austin, you're the most deceitful person I know.
Austin: I once determined that there are forty-nine different ways to misrepresent the truth. I only use six, way below the national average of thirty-two.
Austin: That's a new dress.
Michelle: You like it?
Austin: Yeah. The material's fire resistant, and I like the way the color washes out the pigment in your eyes.
Michelle: Thanks... I think.
Austin: I'm going to take you on the greatest adventure of your life. You probably'll never even thank me. Let's go.
John Bolt: Pride is one of the seven deadly sins, Mr. James. Or is it one of the seven dwarves? I can never remember.
Michelle: If you're so smart, how come you let a computer program chase you into a crummy laundromat?
Austin: You want to find out something about someone, look in their dirt.
Michelle: You're not on drugs or anything, are you?
Austin: I have fragmented REM cycles. I'm slightly schizophrenic.
Michelle: Is that why you sleep in a tool cabinet?
Austin: Sensory deprivation tank. Helps me dream.
Michelle: What kind of human being are you?
Austin: When I was eight years old, I took off all my clothes and painted myself blue. Then I climbed up on the roof of a house, I placed both thumbs on the base of a lightning rod, and faced the electromagnetic north pole. Why? Why did I do that?
Michelle: How should I know?
Austin: Well, when you figure it out, then you'll know what kind of human being I am.
